Dating Strategy

What Makes a Great Date?

2009-07-30T12:20:00.001-07:00

How many dates that you have been on could you really say were “great dates?” Well, probably not all that many. But when you have a great date, it is something that you will remember for a long time. Naturally, not every one ends up that way. So, what do you need to do to make a date a great one? Listed below are some thoughts that you may want to keep in mind to help make a great date.

RELAX

Relax and be yourself to begin with. Go to a nice restaurant and start off with a drink for both you and your date. While you are sitting there strike up a good conversation. That is really the important part. Make sure that the conversation is good and that there are not too many dead spots in the middle. This can help you through the rest of the evening.

MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE ATTENTIVE

Be very attentive. This does not simply mean that you are hanging on every word that the other person says or that you are being overly nice to the person. Being attentive, in this sense, means that you are reading and reacting to signs from the other person and to what the other person is not saying. This will show some sensitivity on your part which will mean a lot down the road further.

DON'T PUT TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON THE DATE

Don't look at this date as though it is a real important event in your life. Just relax and take it easy. If you place too much importance on the date, it will tend to make you overly nervous thus causing you undo stress. Should this happen, your date will surely notice something is not quite right. So, just consider it just another date and pay attention to the little things that will make the difference.

DO NOT DOMINATE THE CONVERSATION

Be very careful not to dominate the conversation. It is sometimes easy, when you are nervous to go off on a tangent without really realizing it. Try to listen to yourself and talk in a quiet, normal manner. In that way your date will enjoy the conversation and will want to hear more of what you have to say. Also, be sure and listen when your date talks and be sincere in your reactions and responses. It is very important to be a good listener.

AVOID CERTAIN SUBJECTS

Avoid any conversation about former partners and be sure to stay away from the topic of sex. Sometimes the conversation turns in that direction but try and steer it into another area should that happen. There are plenty of other things to discuss without venturing into that area.

FOCUS ON YOUR DATE

Be sure to focus on your date. There may be a lot of activity around you. Try to ignore it as best you can and pay attention to who you are with. I am sure that you will like that in return.

HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

Try and be as witty as you can without going overboard. A good sense of humor will be an asset to this evening. Don't forget that from this date you hope to get other dates with this person. So, inject some humor into the conversation and keep it as lively and fun as you can.

Above all, be confident about the evening and about yourself. This trait will be noticed by your date and will aid the evening .

Preparing for that first date

2009-07-30T12:19:00.002-07:00

Well, you have met someone online and communicated with them for a bit. Now, comes that time for which you have been preparing. Your first date with this “unseen” person. Do not spend too much time being excited about this event. Instead, start getting ready for this date so that you can make the best of the time that you spend together.

Where do you start and what should you plan? Well, that is up to you but we have provided a few ideas which might help to send you in the right direction.

Do not set the date too far away. Do not wait too long to go out on this date. You have been anticipating this for awhile so you want to get this scheduled very soon. If you don't, you will spend too much time thinking about it and that can eat away at your patience and make you even more nervous than you already are.

Make this an informal night out. For the first date you will probably want to make it something comfortable and casual. A movie, however, is not a great idea since the two of you are going to want to talk and find things out about each other. A movie cuts down on the time available to do that. Choose a nice informal setting where the two of you can be very comfortable.

Start with lunch, perhaps. Maybe you want to make the first date during the daylight hours. If this is the case, then you may want to consider meeting for lunch at a nice quiet little restaurant where you can easily talk. Make it a restaurant that has a varied menu since you may not know what type of food your date prefers. Something with a wide menu will probably offer something that he or she likes.

Pay attention to the person, not where you're going. As you make plans, be more concerned about the person with whom you are going out. Do not get bogged down in plans and thinking about where you are going. If you do this, you will lose sight of the fact that your main concern is your date.

Think about your appearance. You need not get all dressed up for this date. We mentioned earlier that this should be informal but comfortable. Choose a place to go that does not require you to dress up. Sure you should look nice. But you can look presentable and nice without having to put on a tux or even a suit.

Be humble in your conversation. Be careful with your conversation. Do not spend the time bragging about yourself or your family. This is a “get acquainted” date, so you do not want to put the other person off by putting yourself on a pedestal. Think mainly of your date and put yourself in the number 2 position.

You want to make this first date a fun time. But you also want to make it a date that will make the two of you want to see each other again. So, plan carefully and never lose sight of the purpose of this first date.

Is It Worth Paying for Online Dating?

2009-07-30T12:19:00.001-07:00

There are many online dating services. Many of them start you off, or get you involved, by offering free services to look at prospective dates online. But you soon find out that the service is not free after all. If you want to make any contact with someone that looks interesting, you must first pay a fee. Even if someone sends you an email from the service, you cannot read it until you “insert the credit card.” This brings up a very interesting question. Why should you pay for an online dating service when there is no guarantee that it will be worth it?

With the many online dating services, there are some that really are totally free. This sounds good, at the outset, but you have to take certain things into consideration before you buy into one of these free sites. First, is it legit or is a scam? This is sometimes hard to determine. You really have to do some investigation. Also, if the site is free, it is very possible for children to become exposed to it. Do you really want to be a part of a site that permits this type of activity? The first advantage to an online dating service that charges a fee is that it excludes those people who are not really serious about finding someone to date. Plus it helps to assure that you are speaking with someone who is over the age of 18.

If you are participating in a paid online service, be sure that you know the service and that it is a reputable one. Some of them out there, will charge you for the service and then rip off your credit card. Be sure of who you are dealing with. Take the precautions that you need to take. You can even check the Better Business Bureau to help you in this area. There are numerous well known online dating services. Stick with them and leave the lesser known ones to someone else.

Be sure that you know how to cancel your subscription to this service. These services usually renew your subscription at the same time each month. More than likely you will lose track of when that time is. So, be sure that you know, up front, how to cancel your subscription so that you are not paying for services you do not want. It is usually stated when you sign up what the cancellation policy is, so make note of it and put it where you can locate it.

Online dating can be a very effective way of meeting someone if you make use of a reputable and well known company. Do some research and see what is out there and what companies are available. Are they reputable? Do they have a good track record? You can find out all of these things by doing some simple internet research. Protect yourself and your privacy with a company that you can trust. It may be a bit more work, but in the long run you will be glad you went to the trouble.

Getting more dates

2009-07-30T12:18:00.001-07:00

Your first date with someone can make you a bundle of nerves. Just sitting around and thinking about that first date can drive you crazy. By the time you get there, it can look like you drank five gallons of coffee beforehand. And figuring what to say and what to talk about can cause long minutes of silence which will not end up helping you in the long run. This is an awkward situation, at best, so it may take some creativity on your part to move this upcoming date along. Don't forget, if it is boring you probably won't get another shot.

Your first date with someone new should be spent someplace where the two of you can talk to each other and learn something about each other. For this reason, a movie on the first date is usually not a good idea since you are sitting there for two hours without being able to communicate. But some people still go that route. It is usually better to choose someplace where you can move around a bit and talk. There are any number of great places you can take your date on the first date that will be fun and still afford you the opportunity to talk. Many times there are great places right in your neighborhood that you never noticed. Remember, that people who live in New York, seldom go to Broadway shows. Well, it is the same in your neighborhood. There are great places right under your nose that you have never explored. Now is the time.

Try and choose someplace interesting such as an amusement park or an historic place. Both of these locations will help to stimulate conversation in many different areas. As you walk around and talk about what you are seeing, you will find out interesting facts about each other. Even a local park is a great place to just stroll around and look at the scenery while you both talk about whatever comes into your mind. Many cities have some small park someplace where you can walk and sit down to rest when you come across a nice grassy area. If it is warm outside there will be others in the park which will help to stimulate conversation as you see them walking, running or whatever.

In the event that it rains and you cannot be outside, you can always go to a shopping mall and walk around and “people watch.” Or, do the obvious and do some shopping while you are there. After you are finished with that, there are usually restaurants or coffee shops at a mall where you can sit down and relax with something to eat and drink.

Try to plan your time out so that you still have some time later on to do something else. You might consider bowling or going to a bookstore or even a sporting event that might be taking place. This will get you both interacting which will relax you and further the conversation.

So, before you set up that first date, do a survey of the neighborhood and see what great things there are to do that you really have never noticed before.

Creating Interest on the First Date

2009-07-30T12:17:00.001-07:00

If you have been talking with someone online, eventually the next step is to meet that person, face to face for a first date. Let's face it you can talk with this person endlessly online but nothing more will ever happen until you take that next step. And this can be a very scary next step to take. This is a risky thing to do. Even though you may have been talking to this person for quite sometime, you do not really know how honest this person has been with you. But, in order for things to go anywhere, you do need to take the chance. You will date many people who are dead ends, but it is possible to arrive at a successful relationship. But you will not know that until you take that step.

For the first date, you may want to meet at a very public place. And when I say meet, I mean do not travel in one car. Each of you should drive and meet at this location. It is not a good idea to get into a car with someone that you have never met for a first date. That can be taking a big chance. Also try to make this first date during the daytime hours. If that still does not relax you enough, you can suggest making it a sort of group date, where you go somewhere with a group of friends.

What do you want to do on your first date? That is a very good question. It is tough to know what to do on a first date with someone that you have never met. You will both want to communicate with each other so that you can get to know each other a bit. So, a movie is probably not a great idea for this date. You will want to do something that gives you a bit more freedom. Try something that interests the both of you based on your online profiles. That way you will be doing something that both of you enjoy. You could go bowling, or attend a ballgame or perhaps go to an amusement park. If you want something a bit more quiet, you can always meet for coffee at a quiet little coffee house some afternoon. If you want something really low key and mellow, you could also just meet at the mall and do some shopping or just walk at the mall. Walking is a great activity and you cannot get much more public than at the mall.

But be sure that you make it something that both of you enjoy. If, during the date, you realize that neither of you are having fun, then you can end the date early and you will both be happy. On the other hand, if both of you are having fun and you are enjoying the time, then perhaps that may open the door for another date sometime down the road. But remember, before you go on the date, you must be prepared for it to be either a positive or negative experience.

Dating strategies

2009-07-30T12:16:00.000-07:00

When you first go out on a date with someone, you want to start out on the right foot. This is a very stressful experience, so you want to begin right so things can move along smoothly. You need to get to know them and they need to get to know you. So, the first piece of advice, is be yourself.

Secondly, make sure that you dress correctly for your date. We are in an age, unfortunately, when people do not want to “dress up” anymore. Too many people do not care how they look when they leave their house. Well, on your first date with someone you need to make that a priority. You want to look nice so that the other person knows that you are concerned about your appearance. This will also tell them that you care about how they perceive you.

One thing that has fallen by the wayside, is manners. When you are out on a date be sure and open doors for your date. This means not just car doors but any doors that you encounter, that need to be opened. This will impress your date, especially since a lot of people do not do this anymore.

Now, if you are on a date with someone who is a feminist, you may need to temper that approach a bit. You may want to let her open her own doors. She may even want to pay for her own meal. This is something that you will have to take a look at and make a decision for yourself. It may be safe to take the cautious approach on the first date and just let her do these things for herself. You can re-evaluate later on. If the lady is not a feminist, however, then open the doors for her. Also, make sure that you are on time to pick her up for the date. And it should go without saying that you should be prepared to foot the entire bill for the date.

It is sometimes difficult to know what to do and where to go on a first date. Since the two of you do not know each other, you do not know what each other's likes and dislikes might be. Do not go somewhere that you cannot afford. This will not make you look good, necessarily, especially if you cannot pay the bill. And never, ask your date for money, if you are a little short of cash.

You need to use this date to get to know each other a little. But, at the same time, be careful not to turn the date into an interview type of situation. Keep everything casual and friendly and strike up conversations from which you may gain some knowledge of this person. Make the atmosphere warm and comfortable for the both of you. If you already have known the person from work or another situation, that will help. You will, at least, have some sort of starting point for the conversation. But you will still need to keep it as casual as possible.

Is blind date for you?

2009-07-30T12:15:00.001-07:00

Blind dating has been around for a long time. In high school, you probably, at one time or another, went out on a blind date. It seems to be a very common practice during those years or, at least, it use to be. Blind dates are normally set up via a friend of yours who knows you very well and the other party very well. The theory here is that this friend feels that you and the other party will hit it off well, thus the reason for the arrangement.

The question is whether you feel comfortable going out on a blind date or not. For some reason, I have found out that the older you get, the more uncomfortable some people seem to be with the blind dating arrangement. I am not real sure why that is but if you stop and look at the idea, it may not be something that you really need to be overly concerned about. If you are approached about the idea of a blind date, try to consider some of the following ideas.

If this friend of yours knows you well and knows the other party equally as well, there may be something here worth checking out. Since this person knows both of you so well, he may see a very good reason why this date may work out positively. Think seriously about going and giving this a chance.

Before this date actually takes place you probably will have no idea what this other person even looks like, much less have any idea what they are like. Perhaps you have been shown a picture, but do not forget, pictures can sometimes be deceiving. People can look a little different than in the one snapshot that you were shown.

So, of course, you are going to be a little bit nervous about this date since you have never met this person. But keep in mind that the other person will be equally uneasy about it because they have not met you either. The both of you will be starting out on fairly equal ground on this count. The very concept of the blind date makes the parties a little tentative since neither one of you is sure if you will like the other party or not. I do not care how glowing the recommendations have been, the chemistry may or may not be just right.

There are many success stories that stem out of blind dates. Granted, not all of them end positively but many of them will. This is particularly true if the person who set the date up is a good friend of both parties. Knowing each person well, can help in pairing two people up.

Try to find out as much as you can about the person that you will be going out with. Since your friend knows them well, hopefully, they can be a big help in preparing you for the type of person with whom you will be spending the evening. If you have enough faith in the friend you will know, at least, that the evening will not be a total waste. And if the date does not go totally as well as you had hoped, you still may end up becoming a good friend with someone that you would have otherwise never met.

Nice guys finish last

2008-12-04T09:27:00.001-08:00

Sexy Mouth Pictures

2008-02-24T14:57:00.000-08:00

Weird pictures

Dating Chart

2008-02-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

The 4 Reasons Why Women Reject Men

2008-02-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

Most men HATE the idea of "rejection".

I'm not talking about "don't like the idea" or
"wish it didn't happen"... I'm talking HATE here.

The idea of walking up to a woman and having
her REJECT you causes most men to instantly feel
sick in the pit of their stomachs and literally
feel a horrible combination of nervousness and
confusion.

A guy can psych himself up for an hour to go
talk to a woman, but when the moment comes to
actually DO IT, EVERYTHING changes.

The heart rate shoots up, breathing quickens,
eyes dart back and forth, thoughts of rejection
fill the mind, and eventually the pressure becomes
too much to bare.

Most men find this state so scary that they end
up deciding to forget about approaching the
women... just to end the discomfort.

The temptation is great to just "walk away"
because just as quickly as the intense nervousness
is triggered by the moment one decides to ACT, it
goes away when you decide to "forget about it and
walk away".

The fact that "choosing to walk away" leads to
the "instant gratification" of the nervous feeling
going away makes it the most popular option.

Most of the time (and I'm talking about
probably 99% of the time here) men just walk away.
They give up before they've even started.

I find this topic fascinating.

If I just think about it, I can remember MANY
times in my past where I wanted to talk to a
woman, but I just didn't do it.

In fact, many of them are so vivid that I can
remember the exact setting, what the girl looked
like, who else was there, etc... and I'm talking
about situations that happened YEARS ago.

These moments obviously made an impression.

I can also remember kicking myself for DAYS
afterwards for not approaching and talking to
these girls.

Can you relate?

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ACTUAL REJECTION AND THE
FEAR OF REJECTION...

I think it's important to realize that there's
a BIG difference between ACTUAL rejection (having
a girl who is offended, upset, rude, etc. to you
when you start talking to her) and the FEAR of
rejection (how you feel when you imagine a woman
rejecting you).

I've found that for me PERSONALLY, my FEAR of
rejection is actually FAR, FAR more painful and
difficult to deal with than ACTUAL rejection in
the real world.

The main reason for this is that most of the
time when a man starts talking to a woman, she is
actually rather nice about the whole affair.

Men aren't "rejected" very often!

If a woman isn't interested, she usually just
says "I have a boyfriend" or "No thank you"... or
she'll just walk away without saying anything at
all.

Out of the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds
of times that I've approached women, I can't
remember any time that a woman has yelled "Get
away from me you loser! You are unattractive and
the very thought of going on a date with you makes
me sick to my stomach!"

I'm sure it's happened to SOMEONE, but it's
never happened to ME.

The worst I've had is a woman making fun of the
words I used (telling me that my pickup line was
lame) or just walking away.

No slaps, no boyfriends beating me up, and no
yelling.

But here's the kicker...

You can experience an intense FEAR of rejection
EVERY time you consider approaching a woman.

Imagine, something you can predict with almost
perfect accuracy.

You can be in any situation, anywhere, anytime,
and still have FEAR of rejection... which will
prevent you from approaching a woman.

Ah, the power of the human mind.

HOW TO DEAL WITH REJECTION...

A lot of guys ask me, "How do I deal with
rejection?".

The answer: Don't worry about it.

If you get "rejected", you'll be fine.

Really.

It's no big deal, and it doesn't happen that
often.

And when it does, you'll recover shortly
thereafter.

You'll find yourself telling your friends about
it, and laughing together. Rejection from a woman
is about as painful as getting a "D" on a test.

It's basically insignificant.

The REAL question is "How do I deal with my
FEAR of rejection?".

WHY WOMEN REJECT MEN...

Now let's talk about those rare instances where
a woman actually REJECTS a man.

For the sake of this discussion, I want to
define "rejection" as a woman doing something that
lets you know that she's upset and offended that
you started talking to her, and she responds in a
mean or vicious way to make you go away.

I do NOT consider a woman walking away without
stopping to talk to you, her saying "No thank
you", or any other time when a woman just simply
doesn't engage to be "rejection".

If you DO consider these things to be
rejection, please stop reading now, call your mom
into your room, and tell her that it's time you
grew up and moved out... and that she'll get over
the fact that she can't choose your clothes for
you and hug you when you have a boo-boo anymore.

I digress...

I've found that there are a few main reasons
why women actually DO reject men (by the way, it's
VERY rare that I actually get "rejected"
anymore... it's probably happened to me once in
the last 100 times I've started a conversation
with a woman... because I don't do dumb-ass things
anymore).

Here are the main ones:

1. The guy isn't paying attention, and he does
something stupid to begin with.

Some guys think it's appropriate to walk up to
a woman, put their arm around her, and say, "Hey
baby, you sure do look hot tonight".

Some guys don't see anything wrong with
following a woman around all night, staring at her
constantly, then walking over with a nervous,
sweaty-palmed, stalkerish look and saying, "You
remind me of my sister".

These are bad ideas.

2. The guy doesn't stop when he should.

If two women are sitting alone at a table in
the corner, and one of them is obviously upset,
and you walk over to them and say, "Hi, can I buy
you a drink?"... and the upset one looks at you
and says, "No thanks, we're in the middle of a
conversation" (then looks away from you back at
her friend)... and you say, "Aw, cummon, have a
drink. You need to lighten up and have some
fun"... and she looks back at you and says firmly,
"We're busy"... and you say, "What, are you in a
bad mood or something? I'm just trying to buy you
a drink"... and she says, "We don't want a
drink"... and you say, "Well maybe your friend
does"... and the friend says, "No, I don't want
one either"...

OK, hopefully you get it.

If you ever do something like this, you are a
dumb ass, and you deserve to be slapped and have
47 drinks thrown in your lap.

3. Making a woman nervous with your body
language.

If you start talking to a woman, but your
posture is weak and slumped, your eyes are darting
around but not meeting hers, and you're wearing an
unbuttoned flannel shirt with one of the tails
tucked in, you're probably not going to get a
favorable response.

If you creep a woman out, things aren't going
to work for you.

4. Not understanding a woman's body language and
other communication.

When you start talking to a woman, she will let
you know within a very short time if she's
receptive to talking to you.

If you've been reading too many books that say
"A woman will signal her availability and interest
by flipping her hair, licking her lips, and
cocking her head coyly at you", then get over it.

This stuff happens to Brat Pitt, not to YOU.

And if it DOES happen to you, then skip this
part.

When you first start talking to a woman she's
either going to keep talking to you in an open,
comfortable way or she's not.

She's either going to act like things are cool
or she's going to act like they're not.

This is an amazing thought, but women get
nervous too. They will often stop talking just
because they can't think of anything to say, etc.

But you need to pay attention.

Experience is the best teacher here.

My simple point is that MOST GUYS CAUSE
REJECTION by what they're doing. They aren't
paying attention, or they're doing things that are
offensive.

If you just avoid a few major mistakes, learn
how to start conversations with women, and do a
few simple things RIGHT, you'll all but totally
avoid "rejection" from the women you approach.

HOW TO OVERCOME FEAR OF REJECTION

The REAL obstacle here is the FEAR.

As I mentioned, FEAR of rejection, or IMAGINING
rejection when you should be imagining success,
leads to walking away.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Ironically, I've found that the best way to
overcome my own fear of rejection was to see that
it wasn't going to actually happen.

The more times I approached women and started
conversations and the more I saw that women
usually responded positively, the less I imagined
things going wrong.

This led to a positive feedback loop of me
wanting to approach more women and have more
success.

Here are a few ideas for overcoming your own
FEAR of rejection:

1) Go out to a bar, and watch men approaching
women.

Take a Saturday night, and just go out alone.
Find a seat at the bar where things are busy, and
just watch.

Make sure you visit a place that is REALLY
busy, so you can see a lot of people interacting.

Now, pay attention.

You'll begin to pick out the guys who are
approaching a lot of women, asking them to dance,
buying them drinks, etc. Watch what happens.

You'll be able to see for yourself that most of
the time, even if the woman isn't interested,
nothing bad happens.

You'll also see that when a guy tries to grab a
woman who's walking by, makes a crude sexual
comment, or just keeps talking when a woman isn't
interested, that the woman's feelings might
escalate and she'll respond negatively.

You can watch what works and what doesn't right
in front of your own eyes.

This will start to reprogram your mind that
women don't usually "reject" men, even in the most
intense situations where they're being approached
all night.

2) Start small.

If you have to, start by talking to women who
are PAID to talk to you.

Go to a mall (one of my favorites).

Stores in malls hire attractive young women.

Walk into every store, and start conversations.

Practice making eye contact.

Come up with a few jokes that you can use in
any situation ("So, do you own this store?
Perfect, then you won't care if I just take some
things...")

Ask the salesgirls to smell your new cologne
(the one you sprayed on your wrist next door) and
give you her opinion.

The more you do this, the more you'll get used
to starting conversations with women you don't
know, and having comfortable conversations.

3) Choose one default thing for each situation.

It amazes me that guys don't think ahead.

They don't plan what they're going to do.

As the old saying goes "By failing to plan, you
plan to fail".

You really need to figure out a DEFAULT thing
you can do to start a conversation with any woman,
anywhere, anytime.

Once you come up with your idea, mentally
rehearse it until you could do it in any
situation.

Then get out and do it.

HOW TO AVOID REJECTION AND INCREASE SUCCESS

Human beings tend to want to "save face" when
it comes to relationships.

We don't like the idea that another person has
outright "rejected" us, and we ALSO tend to not
want to "hurt other people's feelings" by
rejecting them.

This is one of the reasons why women will often
lie and say "I have a boyfriend" when they don't.

You must become aware of these "subconscious"
processes and motivations, work with them, and
eventually become the master of them.

Learn to recognize when a woman is "politely
saying no thanks", and move on.

If a woman isn't interested in you, forget
about it. It doesn't matter.

Go to the next one. There are plenty.

How To Act When A Woman Likes You?

2008-02-14T10:44:00.000-08:00

Ya know, this really is a great question.

  One of the most important things to understand
as a man, is what to do when things are WORKING...
so you don't SCREW IT UP!

  Sometimes is will be a touch, sometimes a
compliment, and sometimes a smile. But these
things WILL happen more and more as you get better
and better.

  I always laugh to myself when I bust a woman's
chops really hard, and she laughs and says "You're
so funny!" or "You really are good!" etc.

  I still shake my head and wonder why the hell
it took me so long to figure all this stuff out.

  But I digress... you know, while I'm
digressing, what's with you ending your email
with:

  ">From new hampshire, where men are men, women
are few, and sheep are nervous."

  ...?!

  This is probably the third or fourth time that
I've seen this at the end of an email.

  Tell me the truth... do chicks dig this?

  You're making me nervous, man. Keep the sheep
talk on the DL, OK?

  Uncool.

  Now, when a woman does something that signals
"I like you", it is VITALLY important that you:

1) Know how to recognize it

2) DON'T do what MOST guy do

3) DO the right thing, and AMPLIFY it

  So how can you tell if a woman is doing
something that says "I like you"?

  Well, it's VERY important to remember that
women are far more "subtle" than men (most of the
time, that is).

  If a man is interested in a woman, you can see
it all over his face. It's usually very obvious.

  But women are different.

  Women do SMALL things.

  A little touch. A sly smile. Sometimes a
comment like "You're so cute" (as in your example
above).

  But then IT'S GONE.

  Women always seem to act like they're not quite
sure.

  They don't send consistent signals that most
men can "read".

  And when they DO send signals that are easy to
see, most guys respond in a way that makes those
signals stop... which makes things even MORE
confusing.

  Again, women aren't as CONSISTENT as men.

  A woman can seem like she's interested one
minute, then stand-offish the next.

  So rule #1 is:

  JUST BECAUSE SHE'S DOING SOMETHING THAT SAYS "I
LIKE YOU", DON'T THINK THAT IT MEANS "I LIKE YOU
NO MATTER WHAT".

  Much better to interpret subtle "I like you"
cues as "I like you for a second, but if you start
acting like a Wuss Bag or a Dumb Ass, it will all
be over in an instant".

  Unfortunately for most guys, they take "I like
you" signals to mean "You've won my approval, now
you can do whatever you want".

  And what do they do? Of course...

  They turn into dorks, say or do a few stupid
things, and destroy it all.

  Oh, how many times I've watched guys (myself
included) screw up perfectly good situations
because they just didn't get this concept.

  Let me give you an example.

  Let's say that you're out with a woman, and
you've been teasing her, and she smiles and says,
"I like you".

  A typical "male" response is for a guy to think
to himself "OK, I'm in... she digs me" and to get
that rush in the head and chest.

  Next thing you know, he's acting different.

  He's talking about different things.

  He's giving compliments.

  He's being "nicer".

  And what's the woman thinking while this is all
going on? Of course... she's thinking, "Uh oh, his
cool, calm, interesting personality was just a
cover for the secret inner-Wuss that was hiding
out, waiting for a little bit of approval from
me... AHHHHHH!"

  Women KNOW that they're in control of the
situation. Or at least MOST of the time they
are... and they THINK that they are even during
the times when they're not.

  They're constantly using different kinds of
communication to test and "feel out" the
situation.

  Remember, MOST of the time when you're saying
something that you think is nice, charming, and
original, it's something that a woman has heard
about 47 times that week from other guys.

  We guys act VERY predictably most of the time.

  And women know how to tell if you're just
another loser who's pretending to be cool... who
will turn into an average Wuss at the first sign
of attraction from a cute woman.

  Think about what I just said.

  This is hard for a lot of guys to swallow...
but it's the reality of the situation.

  There's something that women call "Sexual
Tension". It's also known as "Chemistry" or
"Attraction" as well. But only WOMEN know it this
way.

When you tease a woman, make her laugh, play
hard to get with her, act unpredictably, etc. in
the right way, you will create this tension. This
is what usually leads to a woman saying something
like "You're cute" or "I like you".

  It's the TENSION that makes her FEEL it and SAY
it.

  THE TENSION!

  In these very special moments, you need to turn
the tension UP. Dial it up. AMPLIFY it.

  Don't diffuse it all by saying "You're cute
yourself" or "I like you, too". Or by smiling like
a jackass wussy dork who has just seen his first
rainbow.

  This kind of thing RELEASES the tension, and it
usually takes that wonderful electric attraction
feeling that the woman is feeling and INSTANTLY
kills it.

  Does this make logical sense?

  Hell no.

  But it IS what happens.

  OK, so let's talk about the RIGHT way to handle
this type of situation.

  Remember when I said that it's the TENSION that
makes a woman feel the feelings and make the
comments?

  And that you need to AMPLIFY it when you're
getting a positive response?

  Nice.

  Once upon a time, there was a scene in a movie
that illustrated this concept PERFECTLY.

  In fact, it might be the all-time greatest
example of this principle that has ever been
recorded on film.

  Remember the end of "The Empire Strikes Back",
when they were about to put Han Solo into the deep
freeze?

  Remember when Leia said, "I love you"...?

  Remember what Han said?

  Right, he said... "I know".

  Perfect.

  All of the sexual tension that built up in Star
Wars and Empire culminated in Leia confessing her
love.

  And Han says, "I know".

  Awesome!

  Imagine being Leia. What could be going through
her mind at this point?

  An answer like this isn't easy to understand.
It has all kinds of implications.

  It's confusing.

  It says, "I know you love me, because it's been
obvious for a long time...." But, it doesn't let
HER know how he feels exactly. It requires
consideration. It dials up the tension. It's
amazing.

  By the way, I read that when they were filming
that scene, Han was supposed to answer, "I love
you too", but the director didn't like it. They
tried all kinds of things, and in the end Harrison
Ford made up that line on the spot in one of the
takes... and they kept it. Nice.

  By the way, one of the BIG reasons why the
newer movies in the Star Wars series suck is
because there is no character like Han... think
about it. It's all boring, predictable stuff.
There's no sexy, arrogant, funny, wildcard
personality messing things up.

  Like I pointed out after I saw "Attack Of The
Clones", Anakin had to kill an ENTIRE VILLAGE of
Sand People just to convince Princess A. that he
wasn't a complete and total Wuss. Would have been
so much easier and more entertaining if he would
have just had a PERSONALITY.

  Whatever.

  Now where was I...?

  Oh, yeah... amplifying the sexual tension...

  If you're out with a woman, and you tease her
because she's wearing four inch heels by saying
"What's the deal, are you four feet tall without
those?", and she opens her mouth with the classic
"Oh no you didn't" look (smiling of course, with
that surprised smile)... and you dial it up to the
next level with "Oh, I'm sorry...Four foot
three?"... and she hits you on the arm...

  ...and then she stops, puts her hand on your
arm, and says, "You know, you're funny"...

  ...what do you do?

  YOU SAY, "YEAH, I KNOW"... in a serious tone.

  Or "Don't try to use compliments to make me
like you. It won't work. Go buy me a drink or
something... I prefer gifts and money."

  Or look down at her hand on your arm, lean back
slightly, turn your head, and put your eyebrows
together as if to say "Just WHAT do you think
you're doing touching me?!"

  TURN IT UP, my friend!

  You TURN UP the tension.

  AMPLIFY it.

  Keep it going.

  If you keep amplifying the tension and
attraction at each of these wonderful moments,
good things will happen.

Don't PAY For A Woman's Attention

2008-02-14T10:42:00.000-08:00

I want to talk to you about a topic that is
always on the minds of men...

It's the topic of PAYING FOR THINGS FOR WOMEN.

This includes paying for drinks and dinners,
buying her gifts and taking her out to shows.

The question is: "Should I pay?"

Most guys feel OBLIGATED to pay if they go out
with a woman on a date.

Most guys feel COMPELLED to buy women gifts,
flowers, etc. and "take women out" to "show them a
good time".

In fact, the "standard" approach for many guys
is simply asking a woman, "Can I take you out
sometime?"

Of course, there's ALWAYS more than meets the
eye when it comes to these kinds of issues, and
this one is no exception.

Take a moment and ask yourself these questions:

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON HERE?

WHY DO MEN USUALLY BUY THINGS FOR WOMEN?

WHAT'S THE REAL ISSUE?

If you're willing to be completely open and
honest about it, you'll realize that most men:

1. Use dinners, flowers, gifts, and other "favors"
as bait and/or payment for women's time and
attention.

2. Don't feel deep down like an ATTRACTIVE woman
would want to be with them JUST BECAUSE SHE
ENJOYED THEIR COMPANY and felt ATTRACTION for
them.

3. Have no idea what the ACTUAL affect of trying
to lure women with these kinds of things is.

4. DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

I can remember when I used to think that I
needed to always take women out, buy them dinner,
and pay for whatever I could think of to get their
attention.

It was really a horrible feeling.

The worst part was that the more nice things I
did for women when I first met them, the more
apprehensive and "standoffish" they seemed to act.

It was almost as if they interpreted my actions
as ME TRYING TOO HARD, and they instinctively
played "hard to get" in response.

The question of "Should I pay for dinner?" is
as old as dirt. So let me answer it with one of my
typical multi-part answers.

And the first part of my answer is going to be
another question to YOU...

WHY WOULD YOU PAY FOR A WOMAN'S DINNER?

And for that matter, why would you buy gifts
and do favors for a woman that you just met and
don't know?

IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU WANT SOMETHING.

And guess what?

Attractive women are VERY perceptive. They can
usually size a guy up in a matter of SECONDS.

She KNOWS what's on your mind. And she's going
to take all the clues you give her to decide how
much you like her... and how much of a WUSS you
are as well.

Now I'm going to throw you a real curve ball...

I have friends who are very good with women
that take women to NICE dinners all the time. I'm
talking two hundred PLUS dollars for dinner and
drinks ALONE.

I also have friends who almost NEVER take women
out for so much as a cup of coffee... yet they
have more women than they can handle.

Is this possible?

Are the guys who are buying dinner actually
SUCCESSFUL at bribing women with food?

Or do both techniques work?

Well, the interesting thing I've found - after
studying this topic for YEARS - is that most guys
who are REALLY GOOD with women have something in
common in this area.

While some may buy expensive dinners for women,
and some may buy nothing; NONE of them use the
idea of paying for things as "bait" or "bribes" or
"obligation"...

In other words, it's the INTENTION behind the
actions that comes through loud and clear.

My friends that take women on dates to
beautiful restaurants would be GOING THERE ANYWAY,
and they just happen to be taking the woman along
with them.

Or if they open a bottle of expensive wine,
THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN DRINKING IT THEMSELVES.

I also have to mention here that all of the
guys I know in BOTH camps know how ATTRACTION
works, and how to make women feel attracted to
them REGARDLESS of whether or not they pay for
things.

To explain this differently, women INSTANTLY
RECOGNIZE it when they're dealing with a man who
feels the need to "buy her attention", and they
usually either play hard to get, or they just
leave.

You can do anything and have it mean anything.

There's a way to say "You're beautiful" and
have it mean "You're not at all attractive", and
there's a way to pay for things and NOT have it
say "I'm a needy Wussy who feels the need to buy
you things so you'll like me".

Get it?

One of the problems that a lot of guys have is
the real-world issue of money.

It's expensive to take women out all the time.

It's expensive to buy flowers and drinks and
gifts.

And if you're single and dating a lot of women,
it can be out of the question to always be paying
for things.

Well, the good news is that you don't need to
pay for ANYTHING to be successful with women.

And the other good news is that if you LIKE to
do nice things and go to nice dinners, THERE IS A
WAY to do these things with women and not give off
the "I don't deserve you, so I'll pay you for your
attention" vibes.

Think about the following two ways to invite a
woman out to dinner with you:

1. "Can I take you out to dinner on Friday night?"

2. "I'm thinking of going to dinner on Friday at
one of my favorite restaurants, and you should
join me."

What's the difference?

The difference is that the first way IMPLIES
that you are TAKING her to dinner.

The second IMPLIES that you're living your
life, doing your own thing, and being your own
person... and that if she'd like to come along,
she's welcome.

The second also doesn't make you sound like a
WUSSY.

So what's my personal opinion of this whole
topic?

Well, I don't think it's a good idea to start
off with a woman by PAYING for things.

It's much better to allow her to like you and
feel ATTRACTION for you without the distraction
and expense.

If you understand how ATTRACTION works, you can
trigger it using your body language and
communication. No money required.

Then, if you want to enjoy dinner or a drink at
one of your favorite places, INVITE HER TO JOIN
YOU. Don't ask her if you can "take her out".

This will make a VERY powerful impression.

Trust me.

THE FLIP SIDE OF THIS COIN

There is another "dark" side to this whole
conversation.

It's the idea that men feel OBLIGATED or
INDEBTED to women when the woman spends time with
them, gives them attention, etc.

If you're out with a beautiful woman who
OBVIOUSLY has many men who pursue her, it's easy
to get into the mindset of "I have to do extra
things, buy her gifts, and go the extra mile to
compete with the other guys".

Sometimes emotions come up that make you feel
like you want to "show her" how you feel for her
early on... after only knowing her a short while.

OR EVEN WORSE, many guys feel like they OWE A
WOMAN SOMETHING BECAUSE SHE'S GONE OUT WITH THEM
AND/OR HAD SEX WITH THEM. And often, this
"something" is either "dinner and gift payments"
or a RELATIONSHIP.

You must realize that EVEN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
WOMEN IN THE WORLD want MORE than just "payment
for their time".

Attractive women have dinners, money, and gifts
thrown at them CONSTANTLY. You're not going to do
ANYTHING to make her more attracted to you by
doing these things.

As you know, I talk a lot about the concept of
ATTRACTION.

ATTRACTION is the powerful sexual emotion that
you feel when you want to be intimately and
romantically involved with someone of the opposite
sex.

Men typically feel it when they see a beautiful
woman.

WOMEN typically feel it when they're in the
presence of a man who knows how to communicate
with that part of her that triggers her ATTRACTION
"mechanism".

Most guys either don't know this, never figure
it out, or don't pay attention to it.

Instead of learning how women work, and doing
those things that will trigger her ATTRACTION,
they just make the same mistakes and beat their
heads up against the same walls over and over.

And they do things like asking women out to
dinner, buying flowers and TRYING TO PAY for
attention.

It doesn't have to be this way!

If you're one of the guys who has been paying
for women's attention all your life, then do
yourself a favor right now and STOP IT!

How To Use Humor To Attract Women

2008-02-14T10:32:00.000-08:00

One of the things that I discuss a lot is the
idea of why women feel ATTRACTION for some men
while NOT feeling it for others (even though the
men that women feel ATTRACTION for might not be
good choices for them because they're abusive,
etc.)

  If you recall, one of the concepts that I teach
goes something like this:

* ATTRACTION isn't something that is logically
chosen.

* ATTRACTION is basically an EMOTIONAL RESPONSE to
certain cues and behaviors.

  One of the things I've isolated that seems to
cause women to feel this magical ATTRACTION to men
is the idea that I call being "Cocky & Funny".

  This is simply using an arrogant style of humor
when you're dealing with attractive women that
leads to them feeling the emotion of ATTRACTION
for you.

  At the seminars I teach, I realized that
several of the guys were having trouble getting
the idea that a woman could feel an emotion like
ATTRACTION in response to something as seemingly
unrelated as making arrogant jokes (especially
about her) and making her laugh.

  I mean, how COULD this possibly work?

  I thought I'd take this newsletter and talk a
bit about why I think that something so illogical
could help you to create ATTRACTION, and some
specifics about how to do it.

FIRST THE "WHY"...

  Remember, women feel ATTRACTION for a very
different set of reasons than men do.

  Where men focus more on LOOKS, women focus more
on PERSONALITY, SELF ESTEEM, POWER, and several
other more "intangible" qualities.

  Women also love men who can make them laugh.

  And by watching a lot of guys who are VERY good
at attracting women, I've noticed a common
pattern.

  Most of these guys use a common way of
communicating with women that communicates the
above qualities WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO SAY
THAT THEY HAVE THEM.

  I call this way of communicating "Cocky &
Funny", and it's one of the cornerstones of
attracting women.

  I believe that when a man is Cocky & Funny, he
triggers a primal response inside of a woman that
creates an instant emotional ATTRACTION.

  This is because women come "pre-wired" with an
internal template of what comprises a desirable
mate, and a set of emotional trigger buttons that,
when pushed, create that powerful emotional
response called ATTRACTION that compels her to
mate with the man who triggers it.

  Most men have no idea that this mechanism
exists or how to trigger it, so they do
traditional "nice guy" things like buying dinners,
gifts, and flowers... and giving women
compliments... and calling them all the time
(which usually have the OPPOSITE of the desired
effect when used too much, and too early on).

  As I got to know more and more guys who were
REALLY GOOD with women, I started to see that they
weren't afraid to make fun of attractive women,
bust on them, and even challenge them... but it
was always done in a VERY FUNNY, even charming
way.

  At first I just assumed that it was the fact
that this pattern was just a technique that my
friends were using to make conversation.

  Only after really paying attention, trying out
this technique myself quite a bit, and LOOKING
CLOSELY AT THE ACTUAL RESPONSES I WAS GETTING did
I begin to realize the UNBELIEVABLY POWERFUL
EMOTIONAL RESPONSES  that this one concept was
generating.

  And after working on it, testing it, refining
it, and studying the finer points about women,
men, and the whole "mating process" did I begin to
really understand how well this worked.

Here's the basic formula:

1. Take an arrogant comment.

2. Add humor to make it funny.

3. Feel free to use this combination when poking
fun at the woman you're dealing with.

  Here's a simple example:

  Let's say you're walking down the street with a
woman and she says, "Wow, I really like those
shoes in the window" and you answer, "You would".

  Here's another one:

  Let's say you're talking to a woman who's
wearing a pair of shoes with four inch heels, and
you say, "So what, are you about four feet tall
without the shoes?"

  Get it?

  You're saying things that are FUNNY while at
the same time A BIT ARROGANT.

  An added bonus that these two examples
demonstrate is that neither one is quite clear.

  It's obvious that you're making fun of her, but
it's not exactly clear what you mean.

  When you communicate like this, you
communicate:

1. That you're confident.

2. That you're comfortable.

3. That you're intelligent.

4. That you're funny.

  ...which, of course, are all qualities that
lead to a woman feeling ATTRACTION.

  Of course, most men wouldn't even THINK about
saying things like this to a woman that they find
attractive because they fear REJECTION.

  Most men would also say that I must be CRAZY
for thinking that these kinds of comments would
trigger an EMOTIONAL response of ATTRACTION inside
of a woman.

  I can understand this because when I first saw
guys being Cocky & Funny with women, I PERSONALLY
couldn't believe that it was what was creating the
ATTRACTION.

  But the fact is that IT DOES CREATE ATTRACTION.

  And as illogical as it seems, if you learn how
to cultivate the skill of being Cocky & Funny,
you'll notice an AMAZING difference in the way
that women respond to you.

  You'll find that the more you refine and
perfect the technique, the more women will want to
talk to you, be around you, and feel the
uncontrollable urges associated with ATTRACTION.

  So here's the formula again: When you're in a
situation with a woman, say things that are both
Cocky & Funny.

  Let's say you're talking to a woman, and she
says, "Here, let me buy this round of drinks".

  You might respond by saying, "Look, don't think
that just because you buy me a drink that I'm
going to go home with you. I'm not that easy...."

  Or maybe she mentions that she just started
working as a waitress... and you say, "Well,
that's a deal breaker for me, because I need a
woman who makes enough to support the both of us
so I can pursue my life-long goal of being a house
husband."

  Are you with me?

  These are all FUNNY and at the same time
ARROGANT.

  One of the exercises that I recommend is to
take some time and come up with a whole bunch of
Cocky & Funny comments that YOU can use in the
most common "real world" situations you find
yourself meeting women in... and then mentally
rehearse them so you have them ready in your mind
to use.

  When you use this magical way of communicating
with women, you'll find that it often sparks an
INSTANT sexual tension, and sets up a perfect
interaction between you and the woman you're
talking to.

  It creates a wonderful, entertaining CHALLENGE
that women just LOVE to engage in...

  It not only sets you apart from other men, but
as I mentioned, it also triggers that wonderful
emotion called ATTRACTION at the same time.

  Double Bonus!

  Of course, this is one part of a much bigger
picture of how to use your personality to create
sexual tension and ATTRACTION from the VERY
BEGINNING of your interactions with women.

How To Find Out If She's Single

2008-02-14T10:27:00.000-08:00

WOMEN DON'T MAKE SENSE!

Have you ever noticed that women don't seem to
make sense AT ALL when it comes to "dating"?

What's up with that?

I'm sure you've been in a situation where you
really liked a woman, and you did everything
"right"... but for some reason she just never felt
attracted to you...

You called her often, took her to nice places,
bought her gifts, and were a complete gentleman
(translation, you didn't try to kiss her, gave her
space, etc.)... but nothing seemed to cause her to
like you for more than just a "friend"...

And I'm sure you've been in a situation where a
TOTALLY HOT female friend of yours was dating a
complete jerk who was mean and abusive to her...
and all she did was tell you about how badly he
treats her (and of course she talks about the sex
too)... all the while you're sitting there and
would do ANYTHING just to have a chance at dating
her. Right?

What is going on here?

Why is it that when you're overly nice to a
woman in the beginning, it just causes them to be
less and less interested?

And why is it that jerky guys who mistreat
women seem to get laid like Rock Stars, even
though they are the WORST possible choice for an
attractive woman?

This is a fascinating question to me.

In fact, I've spent the last several YEARS
thinking about this and other related questions.

It's funny, because when you first ask a
question like this one, you can come up with some
"OK" answers. But now that I've taken the time to
REALLY think about it, research it, and look
DEEPER into the topic, I've realized and found
some FASCINATING answers.

But more importantly, I've come up with ways
that any guy can take advantage of the secrets
that "jerks" use to attract women... without
having to be abusive.

OK, so let's talk about some of these concepts
that I've been working on...

...I can remember when I used to call women all
the time, take them out, and generally show them
that I was VERY interested in them when I first
met them. I was REALLY a "nice" guy.

And you can guess what happened. Exactly...

They would always be nice to me, say that they
appreciated what I had done, and accept my
calls...

BUT I NEVER SENSED THAT THEY FELT ANY KIND OF
ATTRACTION FOR ME.

Something just never felt quite right.

I always felt this little tension... as if the
woman KNEW that I was interested, but for some
reason THAT VERY FACT was the thing that kept her
from feeling the same in return.

It was as if the more I tried to get a woman to
like me, the less she would.

IT JUST DIDN'T MAKE SENSE!

Why wouldn't a woman choose to like me when I
was such a nice guy?

Was it my looks? Or the fact that I didn't make
a lot of money? Or that I didn't have a nice car?

Well, I've since realized something...

Women don't CHOOSE at all who they are
attracted to.

ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE.

Attraction is something that happens virtually
on its own... WITHOUT ANY CONSCIOUS DECISION AT
ALL.

Most people have a hard time accepting the idea
that they're not in control of themselves.

I just read in a marketing book today that some
experts estimate that over 95% of ALL decisions
aren't made consciously.

In other words, less than 5% of all the
"decisions" that people make were ALREADY MADE FOR
THEM in their minds, and they're just trying to
pretend that it was their idea!

Well, when it comes to women and ATTRACTION,
things are no different.

Ask a woman why she's attracted to a certain
guy, and she'll answer, "Oh, he's such a
sweetheart" or "He's really a great guy" or
whatever.

I personally believe that if you could get a
woman to stop and think about it for a minute, the
REAL answer would be something like "I have no
frickin' idea whatsoever. I just feel an emotion
that makes me crave being with him, and then I
justify it in my mind so I can EXPLAIN it to
myself and everyone else so I don't sound crazy."

Whoa.

That's heavy.

But if you take a look around, it's not NEARLY
as heavy as REALITY. Think about all of the women
you've known who were smart, attractive, and
interesting. Now think about all of those women
who dated abusive, insensitive losers who did
nothing but take from them... and how the women
just dealt with it and kept dating them.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?

Well, the answer is somewhat complex.

A combination of evolutionary pressures,
cultural and religious programming, and the
magical way the mind works creates a very unique
and interesting puzzle.

But let me tell you one thing about this
puzzle.

When you're first learning how to be successful
with women and dating, you must put aside all of
your past ideas and conditioning for awhile.

You have to pretend that you don't know
ANYTHING about how women work... and play a little
game.

Instead of doing what you THINK should work,
try doing what ACTUALLY works.

When you have this mind set, you'll TRY
different things, JUST TO SEE WHAT WORKS.

Instead of saying, "Oh, that won't work", just
try it.

I was out with a good friend of mine one time.
We were at the mall walking around, and I was
showing him how easy it is to meet women.

We went into a fancy store, and walked up to a
girl who was selling makeup. He started a
conversation with her, and I watched.

She was laughing, and he was doing fine.

But you know that point in a conversation with
a woman where you both know that something needs
to happen?

She needed to get back to work, and he needed
to either move on or ask for her information.

So I walked over and said "Here, let me see
your hand" (she had her left hand in her pocket,
and we couldn't see if she had a wedding band on).

She took her hand out, and I looked at it.

Sure enough, she had a ring on her finger. But
it didn't look like a wedding band to me.

So I pointed at it and said "So does this ring
mean something? Or is it just to ward-off dumb
asses?"

She started laughing.

Here's the good part...

I looked at my friend and said OUT LOUD, "See,
that's how you find out if she's single. I've got
a line for everything..." and I laughed.

Then we asked her if she had a card, and made
fun of her for not having an email address... of
course, my friend walked away with her info.

Now, the funny part of this story is that most
guys would CRINGE if they even THOUGHT of saying
something like "See, that's how you find out if
she's single..." etc. right to a woman's face.

But she found the humor and arrogance quite
funny and charming.

What I'm trying to say is that you need to put
aside your ideas about what women respond to when
it comes to ATTRACTION... and start doing what
WORKS, instead of what you THINK SHOULD WORK.

Remember, WOMEN DON'T MAKE SENSE.

If you keep trying to think about it and get
them to make sense in your mind, you're going to
keep going in circles and chasing your tail.

Success with women really comes down to
learning a new way to think about women, then
combining it with the actual techniques that cause
women to feel that magical emotion called
ATTRACTION.

Once you start using the techniques in the real
world, in real situations, you start to get a FEEL
for how this whole thing works. And once you start
to see how successful you can be, it encourages
you to start doing more "illogical" things.

Competition From Other Men - How To Handle It

2008-02-14T10:17:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that the period after breaking up
with a long-term girlfriend or spouse is often a
difficult one.

  I think it's easy for men (and women) to become
so comfortable and emotionally dependent in a
relationship that they experience a lot of FEAR
when ending that relationship...

  "What's going to happen?"

  "Will I ever meet another woman?"

  "How do I get started?"

  ...etc.

  I can remember breaking up with long-term
girlfriends in years past, and feeling an empty,
fearful, LONELY combination of emotions in my gut
that was HORRIBLE.

  That ALONE feeling is enough to cause a lot of
problems.

  Add to that, not knowing where to start, what
to do, or how to "get your game back" if you had
it in the past, and you usually get a bad
situation.

  I've learned that knowing how to go out anytime
and meet women has a couple of MAJOR benefits when
it comes to this area:

1) When you know that you can meet women anytime
you want, it makes you stop acting so NEEDY and
CLINGY in a relationship. Most needy and clingy
Wuss behaviors are rooted in the FEAR that you'll
never be able to find another woman.

2) When it comes to ENDING a relationship, this
skill makes things MUCH easier. Too many guys stay
in relationships that are bad for them, and are
afraid to END a relationship because of that
deeply-rooted insecurity that comes from not
knowing how to walk out the door anytime, anywhere
and meet women. When you know how to do this, you
won't try to hold on like a girly-man, sacrifice
your own respect and dignity, pleading and
begging, and ultimately make the situation much
worse than it would have been if you would have
just walked away.

  In short, what I'm trying to say is that I
think understanding this area called "How to
attract women" is KEY to having a good
relationship.

  When you have that inner confidence and
KNOWING, it makes you more attractive... period.

  Now let's talk about what to do when there is
competition from other guys...

  First I want to talk about what I believe is at
the ROOT of the problem:

1) INSECURITY.

2) JEALOUSY.

  When you are insecure, you're always wondering
if some other guy is going to come along and steal
your girl.

  This often shows up as a combination of
feelings that make you worry about losing your
girl, and at the same time worrying about not
being able to find another one if you DO lose this
one.

  This is a BAD, BAD thing because it then CLOUDS
YOUR THINKING, and creates an illusion that the
woman you're with is BETTER than she is, and that
you're WORSE than you are.

  We're talking about some deep issues here, but
this is the stuff that triggers the ULTIMATE WUSS
types of behaviors.

  Then, as if things weren't bad enough, you go
out with your girl, and other guys start hitting
on her right in front of you.

  This triggers MORE insecurity, and then the
REAL problem... JEALOUSY.

  Jealousy is an incredibly powerful emotion.

  It often leads people to KILL people they love.

  One scientist wrote an entire book about
Jealousy, and basically claimed that it was the
most powerful and important emotion ever! (The
book is called "The Dangerous Passion"...
referring to jealousy)

  When you're out with your girl, you turn around
to order a drink, and when you turn BACK around
there's some guy talking to her with that "I'd
love to take you home and do things that the lord
forbids", it can trigger a few emotions...

  This is very natural. Animals have this same
response in similar situations. I personally
believe that we come pre-wired with BOTH of these
things:

- We come pre-wired to want women that other men
already have (Don't covet thy neighbor's wife).

- We come pre-wired to feel jealousy if we suspect
that our spouse is cheating or if we think that
someone is going to take them from us.

  Again, normal and natural stuff.

  If Yoda were here, he'd probably say:

"Jealousy is useless...

...Jealousy leads to anger, anger leads to
INSECURE WUSSY BEHAVIOR... and insecure Wussy
behavior leads to the DARK SIDE."

  Now, jealousy doesn't always lead to insecure
WUSSY behavior, sometimes it leads to insecure
DUMB ASS behavior, like getting into a fight, or
shooting someone.

  Some men enjoy fights and violence.

  And some women have no problem dating a man who
likes to beat other men up (or beat her up).

  I personally think that violence and hurting
other people is the IGNORANT way to deal with
things.

  But, I also know that there are a lot of guys
out there that don't share my views.

  The POINT I'm trying to make is that insecurity
and jealousy make people do all kinds of stupid
and thoughtless things.

  These emotions take over your mind and body,
and can trigger some of the most short-sighted
behaviors you'll ever experience.

  These are complex emotions that have evolved
over millions and millions of years... and they're
not going away anytime soon. In many cases, they
literally take control of your mind and body.

  For instance...

  Let's say you've just broken up with your
girlfriend or wife, and it took you a long time to
finally get a date with an attractive woman. Maybe
you were feeling insecure and didn't know if you
could meet another woman, and let's say that the
breakup was hard on you as well.

  Let's say you're out at a bar with your new
date and you excuse yourself to use the boy's
room... and when you get back, there are TWO big,
handsome guys talking to your date, and she's
laughing hysterically at what they're saying.

  What would most guys do in this situation?

  THEY'D FREAK. That's what.

  All kinds of fear, jealousy, insecurity, etc.
would INSTANTLY take over, and there would be
thoughts of her wanting to be with these guys,
them taking her away, etc.

  And what do most guys actually DO in one of
these situations?

  They walk over, act nervous, and try to take
the girl away from the situation. And they make
the mistake of making it OBVIOUS that they're all
freaked out, intimidated, jealous, and insecure.

  This, of course, only makes the other guys feel
more powerful, and makes the woman realize that
she's with an insecure WUSS.

  It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy, in most
cases.

  As a side note: I have met and know of guys who
actually ENJOY picking up women who are out with
other guys. It's a game to them.

  And they've found that it's EASY, because most
men are insecure, and most women don't want to be
with a WUSS...

  So what's the answer here?

  What's the best thing to do when a guy is
making his move on your girl?

The best thing you can do in one of these
situations is what you do BEFORE it ever
happens... and it's a combination of things:

1) Realize that there's nothing to be insecure and
jealous about, and that these things only lead to
fear and loss.

2) Get your game in shape with women. Get yourself
to the point where you can meet women in ANY
situation. This way you always know DEEP DOWN that
if any woman you're with ever decides to leave,
you can turn around and start meeting women. This
eliminates insecurity.

3) Mentally prepare. Take some time to imagine
that you're in one of these situations, and notice
the feelings you have. Go over it in your mind
until you can think about it without having any
negative emotions triggered.

  And here's what to do when you're actually IN
the situation...

1) EXPECT IT. If you start dating hot women, other
men will hit on them, GUARANTEED. It's part of
life, man. You must expect that it's going to
happen and not be surprised when it does.

2) Learn how to have FUN with it. Most guys have
no game at all... and it's kind of funny to watch
and listen to them. I enjoy watching guys try to
meet women, because they FAIL miserably in most
cases. I like to wait until a guy is finished
trying to pick up on the girl I'm with, and then
get her to share the details so I can laugh.

3) Suggest that she date the guy. One of my
favorite things to do is say, "Hey, you guys would
make a cute couple... I think you should go for
him." Of course, this is all said in a light, fun
way.

4) If you suspect that the girl you're with is
actually TRYING to make you jealous, talk to other
women. If you actually think that a woman is
deliberately trying to make you jealous, you must
do some thinking as well. Some women enjoy making
men compete over them and you probably don't want
to be with one of these women. They're a pain. But
if you think it's just a typical situation and the
girl is trying to figure out if you "really" like
her (because you'll get jealous if you do), then
just turn around and start a conversation with a
group of girls... and wait for her to come and
find you.

  The point I'm making is that you MUST get over
that fear/insecurity/jealousy issue, and realize
that there is nothing to be afraid of.

  The only power that other guys will have with
your date is the power that you GIVE them... so
don't give them any power by acting like a WUSS.
Keep your power for yourself. The main reason that
other guys try to hit on your girl is because they
don't have one themselves. Remember that.

  ...and if you're reading this right now and
thinking to yourself, "You know, I need to learn
this stuff about how to meet and attract women so
I can get rid of that insecure and fearful feeling
I have" then YOU'RE RIGHT!

  I think that every man should invest in himself
and learn this skill.

  Unfortunately, most guys never take the time
and invest in themselves... and they wind up going
their whole lives WISHING that they could attract
the kinds of women that they want.

  Well, I used to be one of the guys who didn't
know what he was doing with women. Now I'm one of
the guys who can go out anytime, in any situation
and attract women.

Reasons Why Smarter Men Can't Attract Women

2008-02-14T10:14:00.000-08:00

The Ten Reasons/Mistakes Why HIGHLY INTELLIGENT
Men FAIL With Women... AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT...

 I've been teaching men how to become more
successful with women and dating for several years
now... and one "problem scenario" just keeps
coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER and OVER and
OVER again...

 ...and it really amazes me.

 I'm going to refer to it as "The Genius Failure
Paradox".

 "The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency
for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW
levels of success with women and dating.

 After contemplating this particular paradox,
discussing it, and working on it for an awesome
amount of time, I'd like to share my thoughts
about it with you.

 I assume that if you've read this far, then you
probably see yourself as smarter than the average
guy.

 You know that you're a little different than
other guys.

 You probably realized at a young age that you
saw things differently and thought differently
than others in school...

 And you've probably realized that your smart
mind gives you an advantage over others in many
areas of life...

 Your smart mind gives you a particular type of
advantage that can be very, very powerful in life:
YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.

 Smart people get used to being "right" because
they usually ARE right.

 And when you're RIGHT more often than others,
you can get ahead in many situations.

 But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can
actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a
key area of life:

 WOMEN AND DATING.

 By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.

 It can actually be like having a hammer when
you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool
you have for the job, you'll most likely make the
situation WORSE.

 Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even
IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could
HURT his chances for success...

 But trust me, this is one of those situations.

 So relax, open your smart mind, and let me
share with you the ten reasons why smart guys fail
with women... and what to do about it.

REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T
SEE IT OR ADMIT IT.

 I mentioned that smart guys are used to being
RIGHT in most situations.

 And what do most smart guys do when they come
across a situation where they're WRONG?

 They find a new situation... one that fits
their strength. They know they'll be right next
time, so they just walk away... knowing that it
won't be long before they're right again.

 (OR they let the "problem situation" destroy
them... more on that later.)

 Well, the BITCH about being wrong when it comes
to women and dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND
HIDE.

 There's no quick "I'm right" around the next
corner to make you feel better.

 It only takes "failing" with a few women in a
row for a smart guy to see the pattern... and
realize that something isn't working.

 Solution? Think harder.

 A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be
good... so he just keeps thinking harder.

 But when no success comes, it really starts to
become mentally difficult.

 Accepting that you're wrong is a VERY hard
thing for a "smart guy" to do.

 Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you
have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even more
difficult.

 Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the
following logical conclusion:

I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT
HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN
THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.

 Try that on for a self-defeating idea.

REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT.

 In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that
a good, solid, workable answer could come from
someone "dumber" than them, so they discount any
idea that comes from an "obviously less
intelligent person" before trying it.

 Let me ask you a question:

 If you were going to be walking across Africa
on foot, would you rather have your guide be the
guy on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a
caveman who lived a million years ago that had an
I.Q. of about 50... but who grew up being chased
by lions and all kinds of animals that wanted to
eat him all his life?

 It's an interesting question.

 Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who
isn't the smartest guy around... but who has
escaped from many, many dangerous situations with
deadly animals...

 But now let me ask you:

 If you'd like to learn how to be more
successful with women and dating, would you take
advice from a guy who isn't very intelligent, but
who knows how to attract women?

 There's something about being smart that makes
some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or
instruction from anyone who isn't either as smart
or smarter than them.

 Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this
particular approach... once it's examined closely.

 If you've been making this mistake, then you
need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard,
and open your eyes.

 Look around.

 Learn from some "dumb" guys... and let them
teach you how to get what you REALLY want.

REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS.

 It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet
that just don't GET IT when it comes to basic
social skills.

 It's as if they have logically reasoned that
social skills are for lower beings who need to
play games... and not worth the time it would take
to learn them.

 In fact, I believe that there are a lot of
smart guys running around this planet who don't
even have "social skills" and "be a cool guy that
people like" in their MENTAL MODEL of what it
could possibly take to be successful with women
and dating.

 Social skills are just that... SKILLS.

 They're not social INFORMATION.

 They're not social THEORIES.

 They're social SKILLS.

 And you don't get them by THINKING about them.
You get them by GETTING them.

 Excellent social skills are the foundation for
good communication with other humans... and if you
don't have good social skills, you dramatically
lower your chances for success with women.

REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT.

 Smart guys do something that fascinates the
hell out of me...

 They come up with all the reasons why
everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and
dating.

 They actually figure out why what it is that
they would like to do will probably fail...

 They use their amazing creative imaginations to
imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and
scenes... and then they use those imaginary
outcomes to create negative emotions... which
ultimately stop them from having success with
women and dating.

 THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.

 Now, if you've thought something through and
come up with a good reason why it would fail, it
makes sense to not do it, right?

 I mean, why would you want to do things that
are going to fail?

 It is sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when
it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with
women.

 Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND women, and
they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to be
successful with women, they are working with bad
figures. They're wrong before they even start
figuring!

 Using your mind to come up with all the reasons
why things won't work in this area of your life
leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.

 You must learn to overcome this habit if you
have it.

REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY "INFORMATIONAL
SOLUTIONS"

 What does a smart guy do when he runs into a
problem... or he needs to figure something out?

 He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the
problem.

 MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.

 Information is the friend of a smart guy.

 Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop
on the Internet and search for how to eliminate
it.

 Don't know how to change the alternator on your
car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page
147.

 Don't know the definition of a word? Open up
your dictionary.

 MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.

 So what do smart guys do when it comes to
overcoming a problem with women?

 They want MORE INFORMATION.

 They think the answer lies in learning just ONE
MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.

 Well what if there were a situation in life
where the "get more information" strategy actually
made things WORSE?

 How would you even know that it was making
things worse?

 Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more
about how to be successful with women is a bad
thing. It's not.

 But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or
PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million
theories on it probably isn't going to help you
very much.

 You need to get out in the real world and try
some stuff!

 You need to look at the REAL problem... the
ROOT of the problem.

 When it comes to women and dating, there's a
very good chance that you have MORE than enough
"information".

 Smart guys often use "more information" to
distract them from TAKING ACTION.

 I've heard this referred to as "Creative
Avoidance".

 Nod silently if you've ever figured out a
creative way to avoid facing something in your
life.

 Good, thank you.

REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION.

 NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for
men who make them THINK.

 Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them
FEEL.

 So what do most smart guys do when they first
meet a woman?

 EXACTLY!

 They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.

 I'm shaking my head right now...

 Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL
conversations and interactions because that's
where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that
they're SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE FOOT by doing
it!

 Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will
type the collected works of Shakespeare before you
will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by
engaging her in logical conversation.

 When you start a logical conversation with a
woman you've just met, you are basically taking
out a NEON SIGN that says, "I don't get it when it
comes to women" and putting it on your head.

 Typical "logical" conversations include talking
about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing
politics, religion, weather... and anything that
has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.

 On the other hand, if you start talking to a
woman and you say, "OK, so tell me something...
Why is it that all women say that they want sweet,
nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish, bad
boys?" (and then make fun of any answer she gives)
Now you're having an EMOTIONAL conversation.

REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF
THE MOMENT

 Smart people usually have time to THINK about
things.

 If you're taking a test, you can sit there and
work out the answers.

 If you have a math problem, you can work on it
until you've figured it out.

 If you're trying to fix something, you can keep
working on it until it's fixed.

 Smart guys are used to being able to take at
least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off
their "good sides" in most situations.

 Not so with women...

 If you don't know what to do at every step
along the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.

 Women have an AMAZING "He doesn't get it" radar
system.

 Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious
tests that they throw at men to separate the "get
its" from the "don't get its".

 And if you don't get it, then you're going to
fail one of these tests VERY quickly.

 But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW
that you were being tested... OR that you failed.

 Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complex
EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the
moment... and especially the "women and dating"
kind.

 One of they keys to becoming more successful
with women and dating is learning to handle all of
the tests that women throw at you effortlessly.

 But before you can learn how to deal with the
tests, you must first learn how to communicate on
an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you
have fundamental social skills, and how to keep
your cool in the moment.

REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING "NICE" THINGS IS
THE "SMART WAY"

 OK, let me ask you a trick question:

 If I told you that you were going to have a
date with the super model of your choice, which of
the following would you choose as a "smart" way of
preparing:

1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are,
and show up with a dozen of them so she would be
"wowed".

2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so
you could discuss it with her.

3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so
you could take her to dinner... and she could see
that you cared enough to choose something that she
enjoyed.

 OK, time's up. Which did you choose?

 Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK
question.

 The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.

 But WHY?

 These three options all seemed logical, right?

 I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with
her favorite flowers?

 Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about to her
about her favorite places to travel?

 Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her
favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?

 Go with me here...

 Smart guys think that they're being CLEVER when
they do things like buying a woman her favorite
flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.

 Right?

 In their minds they're thinking, "I'm going to
be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going
to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she
loves... and she's going to see them and like me
more because of it".

 Makes sense... good math, right?

 Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these
"smart" guys make is not realizing that it doesn't
actually take a smart person to think like this!

 In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss
a woman's ass.

 And guess what?

 WOMEN KNOW THIS!

 And guess what else?

 EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.

 An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance,
will think he's being such the charmer by using
this "thoughtful" approach...

 ...and the woman he is chasing will interpret
it as just another Wussy who's trying to
MANIPULATE her.

 Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.

MISTAKE #9: THEY ALWAYS NEED TO BE THE EXPERT

 Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed
to be "right"?

 Have you ever met someone who would actually
argue with you about something they knew nothing
about... and make a fool of themselves because
they just couldn't shut their "smart mouths"?

 Over the last few years helping guys improve
their success with women, I see this one pattern
over and over again...

 Smart guys don't like to be "beginners" at
ANYTHING.

 They don't like the idea of screwing up...
especially if others are watching.

 They want to maintain this "smart guy" image of
themselves... so they try to always be "The
Expert" at whatever they do.

 Instead of saying, "Hey, you know what? I'm a
beginner at this... how do I do it? What should I
do first? What next?"... and instead of being
totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and
making a fool of themselves in front of others in
order to LEARN...

 ...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or
others thinking that they're beginners... so they
wind up ultimately FAILING.

 MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.

MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER
EMOTIONS

 A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.

 His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.

 Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.

 Totally stopped.

 FROZEN.

 And since many smart guys aren't comfortable
dealing with things they're not good at, they just
repress or RUN away from fear.

 Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation
than admit that they don't know how to deal with
their emotions... or, GOD FORBID, ask for help!

 Hey, I went for YEARS like this.

 I know what it's like.

 But the reality is that any guy can learn to
handle and even MASTER his emotions (even fear)...
if he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW
to do it.

 If this is you, then do yourself a big favor...
take the time. Take the effort.

 Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of
you... it doesn't matter.

 What matters is you doing the things that YOU
need to do FOR YOU.

 ...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated
with "The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I
have had to struggle with all of these issues for
a lot of years of my life.

 Now, I'm not saying that I'm the smartest guy
on the planet...

 But, I don't think mamma raised no fool.

 And it always bothered the hell out of me that
even though I was so good at figuring things out,
I couldn't figure WOMEN out.

 Something tells me that you know what I'm
talking about.

 Well, after beating my head against the wall
for a few years... trying all kinds of crazy
"logical" stuff... I finally got the "bright" idea
to start studying guys who were "naturally" good
with women.

 Of course, I found out that you could be both
NOT SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the
same time.

 I also learned that you can be SMART and VERY
SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.

 By carefully studying what the "naturals" did
with women... and learning how they "thought"
about the topic, I began to realize that success
with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.

 Much of what I learned was very tough for me to
accept... because my logical brain just didn't
want to buy into it.

 One thing I saw was guys pushing women away
from them... and having the women then chase them
in response.

 Made no sense at all.

 I saw guys tease beautiful women and make jokes
about them to their faces... and then watched
those women become "little girls" in response...
unable to maintain their composure and therefore
unable to maintain their manipulative power...

 It took me quite a long time, but I continued
to learn, test, and refine what I was learning
until I personally figured out how to approach
women in any situation... get any woman's number I
wanted anytime I wanted... date any type of woman
I wanted...

 ...and most importantly, GET RID of that
"empty" feeling that I carried around my whole
life because I didn't know how to attract women.

 And once I got this area of my own life
together, I decided to help other guys get this
area of THEIR lives together.

The Dark Side of Dating

2008-02-14T10:11:00.000-08:00

When I first made the decision to actually
LEARN how to become more successful with
women, I went out and did some serious
research.

I'm talking "book style" research here.

I went to the library, searched online, went
to live seminars, met dating "gurus"... and
generally tried to figure out if anyone
ELSE had spent the time to figure this stuff
out.

What I found was a "mixed bag" at best.

Some of the materials that I found sounded
good, some of the stuff sounded completely
ridiculous, and some sounded like it was
ethically sketchy and manipulative.

Now, I'm an experimenter. I'll try just about
anything once.

And I did try ANYTHING.

One of the "mindsets" that I came across was
something that sounded VERY interesting to
me at the time.

It was the idea that a guy could make a woman
feel attraction and other sexual feelings for
him by saying things that contained "hidden
messages"... things that the woman would not
CONSCIOUSLY realize she was hearing... but
that would have the "desired effect" anyway.

On its face, this sounded rather manipulative,
but the rationalle was that it was just
"tapping into emotions that already existed"
inside of the woman... so it was "all good".

So I tried some of this stuff.

Like I said, I'll try anything.

My own experience was that this material very
rarely worked. And it was never CONSISTENT
for me.

Ultimately, I wound up feeling like this stuff
just wasn't an ethical fit for me. It was a
little "over the edge" of being dishonest.

Everyone has their own sense of right and
wrong, and after trying these things, I found
that they didn't work for me... in the sense
that I didn't like myself more after doing or
saying them... and they didn't FEEL right.

It's funny, because now that I teach men how
to meet women, I get questions all the time
that start with things like "I don't want to
use the things you teach because I don't want
to be MANIPULATIVE with women".

Ironic, really. Mostly because I think of the
things I teach as being NON-manipulative.

And one of the things that I've realized is
that being honest with yourself, and honest
with women makes you feel like a better
person inside.

And I think that the way you feel about
yourself determines so many things... from
your inner level of satisfaction with life...
to the level of trust others have for you when
they meet you.

As far as I'm concerned, the more CANDID and
HONEST you can be with yourself and others,
the more self-esteem and character you build
for the long-run.

I don't want to start sounding like an ethics
professor or a philosopher, but let's just say
that MORE HONEST is MORE BETTER.


BACK TO MY POINT...

The reason I tell you this story is because
the things that women have been telling me
lately are starting to really bum me out.

There are a lot of guys teaching various ways
to meet women right now... and some of them
are teaching dishonesty as a "main strategy"
with women.

And more and more guys I talk to are starting
to talk to me about very DARK ideas for meeting
women and getting dates.

Here's the result...

I have one good female friend who recently
told me that she dated a guy a few times, and
that she recognized some "techniques" that he
was using with her.

She asked him STRAIGHT UP:

"Do you know who David DeAngelo is?"

His reply:

"No."

Later, she went online and did a search using
his email address.

Jackpot!

She found that this particular guy was someone
who posted in underground newsgroups about his
conquests with women.

Here's the good part:

As she was reading through his various online
posts, she found stories written detailing
everything about his experiences with HER.

Even her exact words from emails she had
written to him... copied and pasted for the
world to see.

And, as you can imagine, he know EXACTLY who
David D. was.

And my favorite part...

He detailed how he used various lines, words,
and techniques to DECEIVE my friend, along
with several other women.


ANOTHER ONE...

I have another female friend who is a very
social person... who meets a lot of people and
goes on a lot of dates.

A few times, she's heard guys use phrases and
techniques that seem like they've obviosly
been learned from me... so she asks them about
it.

And guess what? Most of them DON'T OWN UP TO IT.

I mean, dude... it's the 21st Century.

Women don't care if you are working on learning
how to be better in this area of your life.

But they sure as hell care if you don't have
the BALLS to be honest about it.


WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

I have to say, I'm disappointed with this
current state of affairs.

More and more stories of guys using deliberate
lies and manipulation to get women into bed...

More and more stories of guys not being honest
with themselves and women, because they don't
have the guts to take responsibility for their
lives...

It seems to me that some of us guys have taken
the idea of "learning cool tricks that help us
meet women" and let it turn into a kind of
"dark side" mindset of trickery, lies, and
outright deception.

It's not cool.

You want to learn a cool new "pick up line"
or way to start a conversation... and try it
out a bunch of times in an evening, even
though it doesn't feel "natural" to you?

Fine. Great, even.

Get outside your comfort zone, and have
some fun.

You want to learn how to use hypnotism and
other tricks to get women turned on without
them being "consciously aware" of it?

OK, I can find a way to make that one make
sense... as long as it's done with a sense
of integrity and healthy boundaries.

You want to lie to women, make up stories
about who you are and your experiences in
life... not own up to the truth... and
generally sell your soul to get laid?

Sorry, but that's way over the line, and it's
sacrificing your character in order to
selfishly take advantage of another person.

And when it turns into PREYING on women in
order to fulfill your selfish needs, then I
think you're a dark, egotistical coward...
who deserves whatever bad things may befall
you.


IN SHORT...

I am not a perfect person, and I don't claim
to have never made a mistake in life... or
to never have had a sneaky or manipulative
thought... or never lied to someone.

But a mentor once taught me that something
CHANGES when you make the leap, and start
BEHAVING in dark ways... and then ACCEPTING
that type of thinking and behavior from yourself.

Further, I don't think it's NECESSARY to be
one of the "bad guys" in order to succeed
with women and succeed in life.

It's OK to want to learn how to be more
successful with women.

It's OK to study it, try new things, and
teach yourself this skill.

But I highly recommend that you stay honest,
you be up-front about what you're doing with
women... and take responsibility for yourself
and your life.

I would honestly prefer that you not buy or
use any of my stuff if you're planning to use
it in a dark, predatory way.

I realize that all of my friends who are into
marketing are going to tell me I'm stupid for
not closing this newsletter with a link to buy
my programs, but it doesn't feel right. So if
you want to check them out, go find them on
your own.

Are You AFRAID Of Women?

2008-02-14T10:09:00.000-08:00

What prevents men from being successful with
women?

  Well, the list goes on and on... but one of the
elements that TOPS the list is FEAR.

  There are many different situations that make
men feel fear, but I'd like to talk about some of
the most common ones... and what to do about them.

  First of all, I'd like you to be honest for a
moment about this topic.

  Do you ever feel FEAR when it comes to women
and dating?

  Have you ever seen a woman that you'd really
like to meet, but you started to feel fear and
didn't do anything about it?

  Or maybe you were on a date and you wanted to
kiss a woman... but you felt too afraid because
you didn't want to make a mistake and screw up
your chances?

  Or maybe you even got a woman's phone number,
but you were too afraid to call back because you
didn't know how to start off the conversation or
ask her out?

  Cummon, seriously...

  Have you ever been sitting there with the phone
in your hand, dialing a woman's number, but you
had to hang up because you were just too nervous
to even talk to her...?

  Or out on a date with a woman, and you wanted
to kiss her, but you got so nervous at the thought
that you just decided it would be better to forget
the whole idea and hope for the best...?

  Me too. Many times, in fact.

  By the way, it's not exactly FUN to admit that
you're afraid of things.

  I'm sure you know that most guys would rather
admit in public that they were unsure about their
sexual orientation than that they were afraid of
women.

  Of course, this unwillingness to admit that you
have a problem IN THE FIRST PLACE only makes
matters worse...

  If you don't admit that you have the problem,
then it's hard to get help and answers to it.

  Well, the good news is that you're not alone.

  Almost every guy I've known (including myself)
has dealt with this issue MANY TIMES with women.

  So, STEP 1 is to GET OVER IT. Get over your
need to deny that you're afraid. Just admit that
you're afraid, and come to grips with the fact
that you're human...

  STEP 2 is to admit that you'd like to get this
particular area of your life handled.

  STEP 3 is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

  Once you realize that it's not that big of a
deal, then the improvement can start. On the other
hand, if you just stay in denial about it, you'll
probably just look for new tricks and techniques
to use on women... which, of course, won't lead to
any REAL improvement.

I personally think that one of the biggest
causes of fear when it comes to situations with
women is:

  PUTTING TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON WHAT THE WOMAN
THINKS OF YOU AND WHAT HAPPENS IN THAT PARTICULAR
SITUATION.

  To put it in different words, most guys don't
take action because they're afraid that they'll
screw up, or that the woman or others around will
judge them.

  The REAL problem though is that this whole
process has become AUTOMATIC, and it happens
INSTANTLY the moment most guys see a woman that
they'd like to meet. Before they even have a
chance to think about the situation rationally,
they've become nervous, insecure, and upset.

  I'm sure you know EXACTLY what I'm talking
about.

  As humans, we have these incredible minds and
bodies, but sometimes they get wired up in ways
that aren't exactly useful for the situations that
we find ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our
cultures, families, or peer groups teach us ways
of thinking that just aren't useful at all for
what we'd like to accomplish.

  Here's something that I realized a few years
ago when I was learning for myself how to be
successful with women...

  I thought about this idea that I was having
this instant, automatic fear in different
situations with women, and that what I was really
thinking was "I don't want to screw this up" and
"I don't want her to think that I'm a dork"...

  And all of a sudden something dawned on me:

  IT DOESN'T MATTER.

  It doesn't matter what happens, and it doesn't
matter what she thinks of me.

  I realized that the fears I was experiencing
were more from PROGRAMMING than from reality.

  So, I started to remind myself as often as
possible that the fear wasn't happening because
there was any kind of danger... and that my
objective in a particular situation wasn't to have
it turn out perfect, IT WAS TO LEARN.

  Think about the difference between doing
something because it's important vs. doing
something in order to LEARN.

  So, for instance, if I saw a woman that I
wanted to meet... instead of thinking, "OK, I have
to say something charming and original so she'll
like me... and if I screw up I'm going to be
embarrassed" - I began to think things like, "I'm
going to learn how to get a woman's phone number
within a few minutes of meeting her... and part of
learning this is going to be trying a lot of
different things that probably aren't going to
work... but in the end, it's all going to even out
because I'm going to have the SKILL that I want."

  See the difference?

  Well, let me tell you, that change in attitude
made a HUGE impact on my success. I was willing to
do and try things that I never would have tried in
the past for fear of screwing up...

  All because I had the attitude of "I'm going to
learn something from this and improve my skills...
and it doesn't matter what happens in THIS
PARTICULAR situation", I was able to improve very
rapidly.

  And the more I began to apply this idea, the
more success I had in ALL areas with women... from
the first meeting, to getting them to go out with
me, to taking things to a physical level.

  So do this:

  Go out RIGHT NOW and start a conversation with
a woman.

  I don't care if she's attractive or not.

  But instead of having the objective of getting
a date, have the objective of LEARNING SOMETHING.

  In fact, if you REALLY want to improve fast, go
spend a day starting conversations with women, but
make the commitment to NOT get any phone numbers
or dates all day.

  In other words, no matter WHAT happens, you
can't date any of the women that you meet that
day.

  See if you can just learn how to do a few
simple things like say, "Hi" to every woman that
walks by... how to maintain eye contact with women
until THEY look away... and how to end a
conversation "too soon" so she feels a natural
vacuum and tries to keep it going herself...

  That's one good idea for dealing with your
fears.

Is "Romance" Attractive To Women?

2008-02-14T10:05:00.000-08:00

You've probably noticed that I don't talk about
the idea of "romance" very often.

  There's a good reason for this.

  I think that most guys use romance in
completely the wrong way, and in the process screw
up their chances with the woman that they are
interested in.

  I'm going to take some time here to talk about
my personal perspective on romance, how it is
misused, and how to use it to really make a woman
feel attracted to you.

  Most guys make one of two main mistakes when
trying to be "romantic":

1) They try to use romance to CREATE attraction.

2) They use TOO MUCH romance, thinking that more
must be better.

  Let me ask you this... What does romance mean
to you?

  I'm serious. Think about it for a minute.

  Does romance mean gifts and flower?

  Does it mean fancy dinners?

  Does it mean candles and soft music?

  To me, romance is about showing a softer side
of yourself... a more thoughtful side... in a way
that is meant to INCREASE the woman's attraction
for you.

  Like I just mentioned, most guys either try to
use romance to CREATE attraction, or they do too
many things in an attempt to "be romantic", and
the effect is lost.

  Here's a quiz:

  In general, would a woman think you were more
romantic if you:

1) Brought her red roses every time you saw her.

2) Brought her one flower the fourth time you saw
her, but it was her favorite flower, in her
favorite color.

   ...???

  Here's another one...

  In general, would a woman think you were more
romantic if you:

1) Took her to a fancy dinner every time you saw
her.

2) Didn't take her to dinner, but one night cooked
her a favorite dish that your mom taught you and
told her the story of how it came to be a family
favorite?

  Do you see where I'm going with these examples?

  "Romance" is all about the context of the
situation. In other words, little things that are
thoughtful, used once in awhile will make FAR more
of an impact than trying to do everything you
possibly can all the time.

  Have you ever seen a T. V. show or movie with a
girl holding a flower, pulling off each petal one
at a time and saying, "He loves me, he loves me
not"?

  This is a famous cliche... even Madonna does it
in her old "Truth or Dare" movie.

  What's going on here? And why is it now such a
famous idea that it is almost universally known?

  Because it strikes a chord inside of women
everywhere! Every woman can relate to the idea of
thinking about a man and wondering if he's
thinking about her.

  Pulling petals off of a flower and saying, "He
loves me, he loves me not", is just another way of
saying, "I can't stop thinking about this guy and
I'm going to keep thinking about him until I know
how he feels."

  As you know, if you've read past newsletters
and/or my ebook, I think that it's important to
CREATE this kind of situation as much as humanly
possible.

  Now, here's where romance fits into the
puzzle... If you're doing things that you consider
to be "romantic" all the time, then she has
nothing to wonder about... nothing to think
about... there is no challenge or mystery at all.

  On the other hand, if you use romance more
carefully and keep her on the edge of her seat, so
to speak, then a small romantic gesture will cause
her to feel GREAT feelings of attraction inside...
and cause her to work even harder to get and keep
your attention - BECAUSE SHE'LL TRY HARDER TO GET
MORE OUT OF THIS ROMANTIC SIDE OF YOU!

  So what are some things you can do, that women
see as romantic, without going overboard?

  Well, if you want to do the typical things like
flowers, gifts, music, poetry, etc. then do as I
said earlier: Use them VERY infrequently. Tease
her, bust on her, treat her like a bratty little
sister most of the time, then out of nowhere do
something thoughtful. But make sure to stay cool
when the emotional reaction comes!

  She's probably going to be very happy and want
to know "where that came from." Just tell her that
you were thinking about her and move on to the
next topic. Don't get all mushy, dude.

  By the way, if you've gone out with a woman 47
times, and you don't know if she likes you, and
you're now thinking, "Oh, hey... great idea! I'll
buy her a flower and she'll feel attracted to
me..." then get a new idea.

  Romance isn't a way to make a woman feel
attracted to you.

  Romance is a way to AMPLIFY attraction that is
already happening.

  Read that last part again... DON'T TRY TO MAKE
A WOMAN FEEL ATTRACTED TO YOU WITH ROMANCE!

  Attraction is created by factors other than
gifts, dinners, flowers, etc.

  If she's not feeling attracted to you, then
showing her that you're attracted to her probably
isn't going to change it... in fact, it may just
push her away.

  I know, I know... you once heard about a guy
who pursued a woman for 9 years until she finally
gave in and married him. Well, that might work,
but I don't have 9 years (unless it's Cindy
Crawford... yeah, I know she's like 50, but she's
STILL hot).

  Earlier I mentioned a couple of great ideas.
You can cook her a special meal that has
meaning... and tell the story behind it. Stories
are romantic, especially if the story contains a
love story.

  And small gifts can be romantic as well (I
don't like big gifts because they change the
dynamic of the relationship and can create all
kinds of feelings that it's a trade of affection
for money, etc.).

  If you pay attention, a woman will mention
something that she really likes. It could be a
kind of flower, a kind of music, an author, etc.
If you want to be romantic (after you know that
she's attracted to you) you can get something
thoughtful then write a card that says, "I was
thinking about you, and I found this... thought
you would like it. Kiss Kiss."

  Use romance as the spice, and not the main
dish. Use it to amplify, not as your main
strategy.

  Romance combined with the techniques that I
teach is a VERY powerful combination.

HOW TO CREATE A SETTING THAT AUTOMATICALLY CREATES
AND AMPLIFIES ATTRACTION...

  We just talked about how most guys either have
no clue about romance, or they use it too much...
which screws up everything for them.

  There is one aspect of romance that I have
found very useful to know more about and use. It's
the concept of how to create a SETTING that will
create more of a feeling of attraction inside of
the woman that you are with.

  WARNING: What I'm about to share with you is
not a magic bullet. It's no substitute for a
cocky, funny personality and great skills. Using
this alone will not make you successful with
women.

  With that said... I've found that there are a
few things you can do in your immediate
environment to "accelerate the mood", so to speak,
when you are with a woman.

  Women have very active senses... usually much
more so than men.

  If you have already sparked the attraction
between you and her, introducing certain sensory
stimulus will usually increase the attraction, and
can lead to a more, shall we say "physical"
demonstration of that attraction.

  OK, let's say that you've had a fun night out
with your girl (and of course, because you read
Double Your Dating you knew where to take her that
was fun and inexpensive) and you're back at your
place. (Of course, she came inside because you
learned how to get her to come in from the book
too... right?)

  And then you use the Kiss Test, which you
learned when you visited my web site... and you've
just kissed for the first time. Now what?

  Well, most guys make the HUGE mistake of trying
to grope the poor girl... which, of course leads
to the inevitable "I think that we're moving a
little fast. Let's take things slower."
(Translation: "None for you tonight, and if you
try that again, none for you anytime in the next
10 dates.")

  Instead, try this:

  After that first kiss, pull back and look into
her eyes and say, "Yum." Then stand up and say,
"Let me see if I can do something about this
setting" in a fun, smooth, kind-of suspenseful
tone of voice.

  Here's the recipe:

1) A few candles

2) Some incense

3) A glass of wine (if you both drink and are of
legal age)

4) Sade's - Greatest Hits on low

  I know it sounds simple, but let me explain the
recipe now that you know the ingredients.

  Remember the formula "Two steps forward, one
step back" that I often talk about? Mix up these
ingredients with that concept... and VIOLA! More
and MORE AND MORE attraction.

  You probably don't need to learn how to light
candles, open wine, and play music. If you do,
refer to the instructions that come with the
products.

  I personally like to introduce these as great
ways to interrupt the kissing (and whatever else
is going on).

  Try this:

1) Kiss Kiss

2) "Let me see if I can do something about this
setting"

3) Light candles and incense, lower lighting

4) Kiss Kiss

5) Open wine and put on 'Sade'

6) Kiss Kiss

7) Watch out... because something good is about to
happen.

  Here's what's going on in her mind:

  "Oh, we're kissing. I'd better not let this go
too far."

  "What? Why did he stop kissing me? Oh, candles.
I love candles..."

  "Wow, this is turning into a make-out session,
maybe I'd better put on the brakes."

  "What? Why did he stop again?"

  "Ohhh, I LOVE 'Sade'. Her voice is so sexy. And
this wine is nice. Hmm, I wonder why he isn't
trying to jump my bones. Maybe he doesn't think
I'm a good kisser. Maybe he changed his mind. Well
I'm not going to let that happen. I'll show
him..."

  Do you get it?

  By simultaneously creating tension while making
the setting more and more 'romantic', you will
stir up her ATTRACTION towards you and make her be
the one who ultimately gets so worked up that she
can't help but have you.

  Nice.

  Of course there are many other things you can
do that are romantic.  Like sprinkling rose petals
on the bed, pulling out some Godiva chocolate, or
lighting up the fire and grabbing a blankie (make
sure you don't bring out your teddy-bear from when
you were a kid... that might not go over too
well).

  It's really up to you.

  The key is to use these things sparingly, and
use them with the concepts that you've already
learned to AMPLIFY THE ATTRACTION that you've
already created with your COMMUNICATION.

  So remember, use these things with women who
are ALREADY feeling the attraction, not to create
it!

  So... you like what you're hearing?

  So... you want to learn more?

  So... you want to learn how to take control of
this entire area of romance and sexuality with
women?

  My newest program is called "Power Sexuality".

  I waited a long time to create this program. It
was an intense project.

  After several years of teaching guys how to be
more successful with women and dating, I realized
that there was a kind of "root problem" that was
at the heart of many challenges men face.

  Some men will describe this problem as a lack
of "Sexual Confidence".

  And it's more than just not knowing what to do
in the bedroom.

  It's about learning to get in touch with that
part of yourself that's been "pushed down" for so
many years... and to enjoy it.

How To "Bounce Back" From A Breakup

2008-02-14T10:02:00.000-08:00

This is a topic that is near and dear to a lot of
single men.

  And, even though I have not been married
myself, I know what it's like to be in a
relationship for a couple of years and then all of
a sudden be single again... and I know what it's
like to start over again.

So let's see if I can add some insight.

  First, I think that it's pretty natural for a
guy who has just ended a long term relationship to
feel rather "naked" when it comes to women and
dating.

  Often times, there are problems and drama when
two people break up, and sometimes you even have
jealousy and other issues to deal with.

  So, one of the most important things to do when
you're "getting back into the swing of things" is
to remember that things will improve with time.

  It might take you a few weeks or months after
you start dating again to feel like "you're back".

  You might even feel a little needy and lonely,
which I also think is natural after breaking up
with someone to whom you were very close.

  A critical mistake to avoid is TURNING INTO A
NEEDY WUSS AND TRYING TO WIN YOUR EX BACK... OR
TURNING INTO A NEEDY WUSS AND TRYING TO WIN ANY
WOMAN.

  Now, it doesn't sound to me like this is your
problem but, I think that something like this
might be part of one of your problems.

  Huh?

  Whatever... I'll just keep talking and you'll
figure out what I'm saying.

  You probably had been in your relationship for
at least a few YEARS. When you're in a
relationship for this long, I think that guys
naturally start behaving differently than they
would if they were just dating a woman.

  It's natural and expected that you're going to
see your spouse every day, sleep with her every
night (I said sleep with, not have sex with... I
know, I know)... and generally be "around" all the
time.

  Well, when you start DATING a woman, one of the
KEY factors that she looks at to decide whether or
not you're going to be "relationship" material is
HOW MUCH TIME YOU SPEND TOGETHER.

  I'm going to bet that these women you're
meeting who want to be "exclusive" with you, are
responding that way because you're spending A LOT
of time with them.

  If you're only interested in dating and not in
forming a relationship, then try this:

  ONLY SEE HER ONCE A WEEK... TWICE AT THE MOST.

  And only call her once or twice a week as well.

  This should solve your "I want to be exclusive"
problem.

  Women tend to get into "relationship mode" when
you start ACTING like you're already in one.

  And a big part of that is how often you see
her.

  If you only see her once a week or so, a woman
will sense, on a deep level, that you're not ready
to "settle down" with her, and that you're busy
doing other things and PROBABLY dating other
women.

  Next, you mentioned that you were dating a
woman and she wanted to know about every other
woman you were seeing, and that "the openness
would be good for the relationship".

  AHHH, THE "R" WORD AGAIN!

  I wasn't there when she said it, so I can't be
sure, but my guess is that what she meant was "The
openness would be good for ME because I want to
know", and NOT that it would be good for the
"relationship".

  This is subtle, but see if you can follow me.

  You said that you disagreed (with a question
mark, which to me means that you'd like to know
whether or not I agree with you disagreeing).

  I'd like to know HOW you disagreed, personally.

  A lot of guys come across as weak when they
disagree because they just sound either
argumentative or insecure - or even worse, like
they're trying to hide something.

  If a woman said to me, "Tell me about all the
other women you're seeing. I think it would be
good for the relationship" I'd probably say:

  "Whose relationship are you talking about?"

  ...and then I'd laugh.

  Or I might say, "I don't kiss and tell" then
smile at her.

  In any case, I would NOT communicate in a way
that says "I'm uncomfortable" or "I'm going to
give you what you want so you like me".

  You have to remember that a woman is going to
test your limits at ALL TIMES. And it never ends.

  If you kiss up to a woman and give her what
she's asking in the moment, she probably won't
respect you in the LONG TERM because she knows
that she can get whatever she wants from you.

  So, if you answer a question like this by
either:

1) Telling her what she wants to know, even though
you don't WANT to tell her...

  ...or...

2) Telling her that you disagree in a way that
makes her think that you're trying to hide
something...

  ...then she's going to feel like she "has
something on you" and that she can get her way
with you in the future.

  Or she might just up and leave because she
feels like you're seeing other women AND trying to
hide it.

  I know, isn't it all so complex?

  My personal perspective on this topic is that a
man and woman should typically wait at LEAST a few
months before getting into any kind of
"relationship".

  And if I'm dating a woman and she asks me if
I'd like to get into a relationship, and if I'm
seeing other women, I'll answer something like
this:

  "First of all, I don't think it's a good idea
for a man and woman to have a RELATIONSHIP
relationship until after they've known each other
for AT LEAST 3-6 months. One of the reasons why a
lot of relationships end so BADLY is because the
two people didn't take the time to get to know
each other first. Also, I think it's a bad idea to
talk about other people that you're seeing during
that time because almost nothing good can come of
it" - and I leave it at that.

  As you can probably tell, I really believe
this.

  Again, it's crucial that you don't answer a
question like this in a way that is defensive or
argumentative.

  If you do, you'll risk being rejected for being
sneaky or dishonest.

  To sum up, it sounds to me like you're probably
used to being in a close relationship, and you're
ACTING like you're in a relationship with these
women that you're just dating. When you do this, a
woman will start to feel those "relationship"
emotions and start asking questions and behaving
like she's your girlfriend.

  If you lean back a little, if you don't see a
woman more than once or twice a week, and if you
stop behaving in a way that says "we're in a
relationship now", then the women will get it.
They'll pick up on your body language and
communication and stop acting like girlfriends or
wives.

  ...and if you've just come out of a
relationship and you need to "get your game back",
then I HIGHLY recommend that you check out my
online eBook and my Advanced Dating Techniques
series.

  There's no better or faster way to get your act
together and start getting dates with the kinds of
women you'd like to date.

  Often, the end of a relationship is a "second
chance" to date women who are more compatible with
you or who are more physically attractive.

  I've found that men who have been in
relationships for several years, often find
AMAZING insights when they review my materials
because they can RELATE to everything so well.
It's a lot easier to see where you've made
mistakes in the past, and it's a lot easier to see
what you need to do with other women in order to
be successful.

Why Women Aren't Attracted To "Nice" Guys

2008-02-14T09:58:00.000-08:00

ATTENTION "NICE GUYS":

 If you are a "nice guy" who never seems to be
able to attract HOT women, or you have attractive
female friends who always seem to say, "He's
really wonderful, but I just like him as a
FRIEND", then this could possibly be the single
most important thing you ever read in your entire
life.

 And I'm not kidding... not even a little.

 If I had to sum up the biggest mistake that I
see men making with women (and the big mistake
that I've made myself too many times to count),
it's being a WUSSY.

 Being a WUSS comes in two main flavors:

1) Acting like a WUSSY to begin with.

2) Turning INTO a WUSSY as you get to know her.

  I would venture to guess that most men either
act like WUSSIES with women they're attracted to
ALL the time, or they turn into WUSSIES within a
few weeks or months of meeting a woman that they
REALLY like.

 I know, this sounds a little strange, right?

 What the heck should being a Wuss have to do
with attracting women?

 The answer: EVERYTHING.

 Let's review a few of the most important
concepts to remember when it comes to attracting
women:

1) ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE. As humans, we don't
"consciously choose" who we FEEL attracted to. It
just "happens" to us... BANG! And you can't
"convince" someone to FEEL this powerful emotion.

2) ATTRACTION DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. When you think
about the concept of being emotionally attracted
to another person, it only "makes sense" that you
should feel attracted to good qualities like
"niceness" and "honesty" and "loyalty", right?
Well guess what... ATTRACTION doesn't play by
those rules. The things that we are ATTRACTED to
don't make "logical sense" when you look at them.
We all know that attractive women seem to date a
lot of abusive jerks... and that men often stay in
relationships with unhappy, domineering women. For
ATTRACTION to make "logical sense", you must learn
how it works, and get a deeper understanding of
what triggers it.

3) STATUS is very important when it comes to
ATTRACTION. Women are almost NEVER attracted to
men of "lower status" than themselves. This is why
certain stereotypes exist, such as women not
liking shorter men, and women who make a lot of
money being intimidating to men.

4) ATTRACTIVE WOMEN HAVE A LOT OF CHOICES. Most
men have never even taken a minute of their lives
to consider what it must be like to be an
attractive woman. Attractive women are approached
in one way or another ALL THE TIME by men who are
interested in them. For an attractive woman, every
smile, every kind gesture, and every favor is in
one way or another viewed as INTEREST. An
attractive woman is approached in one way or
another MANY times a day. It would be impossible
for an attractive woman to give even a small
fraction of her time to each of the men who shows
interest in her.

5) MEN ARE SOOOOO UNORIGINAL. Just as most men
have never given a thought to how it must feel and
what it must be like to be an attractive woman,
most men have never given a thought to the fact
that MEN ARE PREDICTABLE BEYOND BELIEF... from an
attractive woman's point of view. The comment or
compliment that you think is so original, or the
invitation to a date... or the question about her
having a boyfriend... or the comment that "her
boyfriend is a lucky man"... is so UNORIGINAL,
PREDICTABLE... AND WORST OF ALL, BORING to an
attractive woman. She gets this stuff 100 times a
day! And men who are unoriginal do NOT stand out
from the crowd.

6) ATTRACTIVE WOMEN HAVE WUSS-DAR! There are a few
simple, unmistakable signals that men give off
that say, "Hey, I'm just another WUSS, so don't
pay attention to anything else I do, because I'll
always be one"... which, of course, makes women
RUN. (As a side note, attractive women also have
NON-WUSS-DAR as well. In other words, from a few
simple clues, an attractive woman can quickly know
if she is dealing with a man who is NOT a Wuss,
and who, therefore, will be one of the few who are
allowed the time and consideration for romantic
interactions.)

  Soooo, what is it about being a WUSS that is
the big problem here?

 Why is it that of all things in the world, this
is the "big sin" when it comes to attracting
women?

 It's taken me several years now to really
figure this out, and it's not exactly simple to
explain (A detailed explanation is available in my
Advanced Dating Techniques Program).

 But, I'll sum it up and say this:

 WOMEN COME "PRE-PROGRAMMED" WITH A MENTAL IMAGE
OF THE KIND OF MAN THAT THEY SHOULD FEEL
ATTRACTION FOR. THIS PROGRAMMING IS BOTH GENETIC
AND CULTURAL. WHEN A WOMAN MEETS THIS MAN, THINGS
HAPPEN ON THEIR OWN... INSTANTLY.

 Now, I personally believe that MOST of this
programming is genetic. In other words, women are
BORN with it.

 Attraction isn't like other things that "seem"
like they should be similar.

 If you want to make friends with someone, you
should be nice, do them favors, be courteous, and
generally act like you're making an effort.

 But, when you try to take this kind of thinking
and apply it to ATTRACTION (which almost all men
do), then you find yourself doing things that
SHOULD work... but they don't.

 ATTRACTION is very "counter intuitive" (damn, I
love it when I use big words)... which means that
it's not the way it "should" be. It's different
than it seems at first glance. It's deceptive in a
way because unless you "get" how it works, you'll
just keep beating your head up against the wall
doing things that don't work, "trying harder" when
these things fail, and actually making things
WORSE as a result of not understanding it.

 Have you ever met a woman and given her a
compliment, only to have her walk away and show no
interest?

 Or pursued a woman with gifts, favors, and
dinners, only to have her be "confused" and need
"time alone"... which eventually led to her
wanting to "just be friends"?

 Have you ever had an attractive female friend
who liked to date abusive jerks... and then tell
YOU about the abuse she was putting up with... all
the while you would have done ANYTHING for a
chance to be with her?

 Yeah, me too.

 That's what I mean it when I say that you can
actually make things WORSE by TRYING HARDER when
you don't "get" how attraction works.

If I had to sum it all up, and describe the one
HUGE mistake that men make with women... the one
that causes the most pain and prevents the most
success, I'd have to say that it was...

 BEING A WUSSY, OR TURNING INTO ONE.

 For a lot of reasons, a WUSSY just doesn't make
for an interesting, romantic counterpart. Women
will SETTLE for a Wuss, or even SETTLE DOWN with
one (usually after the Wuss has demonstrated his
TOTAL lack of self-respect, and his COMPLETE
willingness to put aside all of his own needs for
a woman). Unfortunately, this often ends with the
woman cheating on the Wuss, leaving him for
someone else, taking everything from him
(including his self esteem) etc...

 I digress...

 The point is, a WUSSY doesn't trigger
ATTRACTION.

 Wussies are BORING. They're needy. They lack
ENERGY, act CLINGY, and make women feel TRAPPED
and repulsed.

 Everything about the WUSS spells "DON'T PICK
ME".

 Now, the first thing most guys say when they
hear this news is, "But I don't want to be a JERK
to women" or "I like the idea of being NICE" or
"I'm just being MYSELF with women... what's wrong
with that?".

 I can identify.

 I get it.

 I spent many years of my life thinking these
kinds of things.

 Well, the good news is that you don't need to
be a "jerk" or treat women badly to attract them.
lol...

 You just need to:

1) Abandon your Wussy Ways.

2) Learn how ATTRACTION works.

3) Change how you look at relationships.

4) Learn the specific things that you need to do
in each situation to meet women and make them feel
that wonderful, powerful, magical, elusive emotion
called ATTRACTION.

5) Never "slip", or allow yourself to start
behaving like a WUSSY as you get to know a woman.

 Doesn't sound too hard, right?

 Good...

 I'd like to get you started with some homework.

 You have an assignment for the week.

 Here it is:

1) Stop being "nice" to attractive women. This
means no asking women out, no giving them lots of
compliments, no putting your needs aside, no
accepting manipulative behavior to please women,
and no giving women special treatment or
privileges just because they're attractive. NOTE:
I did NOT say to treat women BADLY. I'm just
telling you to stop doing all the FAKE things
you're doing just to make women like you.

2) Stop handing women your, um, testosterone
making devices on a silver platter. In other
words, stop giving away your power to women. Do
not communicate in ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM that
you will put aside your own self respect in order
to get a woman's approval.

3) Say the word "NO" to a request from an
attractive woman at least once every single day.
Do NOT do this in an angry, mean, or abusive way.
Just simply say, "no". (By the way, it's OK to say
"no" in a serious tone, then DO the thing she
requested after making her sweat a little. This is
using sarcasm and humor, and if it's done right it
will earn you big points).

4) Pay close attention as you do these things, and
notice how attractive women will seem MORE
comfortable being around you, and want to spend
MORE time with you... all because you're not
acting needy, clingy, and WUSS-LIKE.

Do Women Play Intentional "Mind Games"?

2008-01-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you a short story.

 A few years ago, I did some work with a guy
that had a particularly interesting technique for
hiring people.

 Here's what he did: After interviewing people
for the position, he'd call back the one he liked
BEST, and say:

"I wanted to call and thank you for applying for
this job, but I just don't think you're the right
person for the position"... and then he'd listen.

 If the person said, "OK, well thank you" he'd
just hang up and call the next favorite one.

 On the other hand, if they said, "Wait a
minute, I am the best person for the position, I'm
sure of it" etc. he'd say, "Well, tell me more.
Why do you think so?"

 I actually listened to him do this live on the
speakerphone one day in his office with a woman
that he had interviewed. Sure enough, when he said
"Well, I just don't think you're the right
person..." she answered with "Why not? I am the
best..." etc.

 And, sure enough, he hired her.

 The point here is that in a hiring situation,
there are usually many people applying. An
interviewer needs to have ways of quickly
filtering through and disqualifying the
unacceptable candidates. And a SAVVY interviewer
will have ways of quickly finding the EXCEPTIONAL
candidates.

 This was a great technique for doing just that.

I can remember when I first started "walking
up" to women and trying to get their phone
numbers.

 If I had a dollar for every woman that said:

 "Why don't you give me yours, and I'll call you
instead"

 or...

 "I don't give out my number"

 or...

 "I'll give you my pager number"

 or...

 "I lost my phone and my number is disconnected
and the dog ate my homework and there was an
accident..."

 I think you get the picture.

 Well, one fateful day, probably out of
frustration, when a woman started to give me an
excuse, I just looked at her, pointed to the piece
of paper I had and said:

 "Just write it down, it's going to be OK."

 And, lo and behold, she wrote her number down.

 I thought, "No way, it must have been an
accident."

 So, I tried it again the next time I got
resistance.

 Sure enough, it worked again.

 As a matter of fact, it's worked so well, and
so many times, that it's my "standard line"
whenever I get resistance from a woman. Really.

THE TECHNIQUE

 The long and the short of it is that ATTRACTIVE
WOMEN ARE APPROACHED ALL THE TIME. THEY NEED
QUICK, EASY WAYS TO FIGURE OUT IF YOU'RE EITHER
THE REAL DEAL OR A WUSS THAT GIVES UP AT THE FIRST
SIGN OF RESISTANCE.

 Hint: Polite men that say, "Oh OK, sorry for
bothering you..." or "OK, here's my number, call
me..." are not SEXY or ATTRACTIVE.

 On the other hand, men that say (Some of my
favorites):

 "Oh, it's OK... you don't have a phone? That's
nothing to be embarrassed about" or "And you
expect me to believe that?" in a cocky, funny way
instantly telegraph the message: "I'm not a girly-
man that gives up easily, and I see through your
games. I don't buy it" are VERY ATTRACTIVE. It
just says all the right things.

 So, here are a few things to remember:

1) Attractive women are approached all the time by
men, and are constantly being asked for their
number.

2) If you were a woman who is getting asked for
your phone number forty seven times a day, you'd
probably make excuses yourself.

3) The excuses and "Why don't you give me yours"
type responses weed out about 95% of the losers
that have no spine and no persistence.

4) If you're READY for this in advance, and you
KNOW what you're going to say and do when it
happens, AND you don't answer with a lame, needy,
wuss response, you increase your chances of
getting the number DRAMATICALLY.

5) Confident, cocky, funny responses are a great
way to power through these situations.

 Of course, if you use my 3-Minute technique the
way I've presented it in a past newsletter and in
my book, you'll greatly reduce this type of
resistance in the first place and you'll know
exactly what to do if and when you run into
excuses and resistance.

 Let's face it: Attractive women get a lot of
attention. They're not looking for a guy that
throws himself at her, and then gives up easily.
They're looking for a guy that has all kinds of
self confidence, and sees right through her
games... to the point where he disarms her and
walks away with the digits.

One Thing Single Women Absolutely Hate

2008-01-24T12:01:00.000-08:00

"You can't bore a woman into feeling attracted
to you..."

  I realize that this may sound like an obvious
statement, but judging by the emails that I get
week in and week out, maybe it's not as obvious as
it might seem to some guys.

  In fact, when I think back on my own
experiences with women, I am DEFINITELY guilty of
trying to bore women into feeling attracted to
me...

  So, what do I mean by this silly sounding
statement?

  Well, let's start with some ideas that I hear
in one form or another all the time.

  "I was a perfect gentleman on our date, but she
didn't call me back, and I can't reach her..."

  "I don't want to use any 'techniques' with
women because I feel like that would be
'manipulating' her..."

  "I want a girl who will like me for who I
am..."

  "I give her everything she wants, take her out,
buy her things, and I don't understand why she
doesn't feel the same way towards me that I feel
towards her..."

  "She tells me that she only likes me as a
friend, then she goes out with these guys who
treat her like crap instead of going out with a
guy like me that would treat her wonderfully and
give her everything she wants..."

  And the list goes on and on...

  Now, I realize that these statements are
actually different from each other, and deal with
different issues. But the common denominator in
each of them is:

  YOU'RE NOT BEHAVING IN A WAY THAT IS PUSHING
HER ATTRACTION BUTTONS. IN MOST OF THESE CASES,
YOU'RE GUILTY OF TRYING TO BORE HER INTO FEELING
ATTRACTED TO YOU.

  I got one letter recently where a guy was
telling me that he had taken a girl out on a date,
but that there wasn't any "spark"... but he still
felt attracted to the girl. He seemed to think
that just because nothing obvious was BAD about
the date, that this girl should also feel
attracted to him. (Maybe he thought that a few
more uninteresting, boring dates would cause her
to open her eyes and see the light).

  Here are a few common problems that lead to
"BORING DATE-ITIS":

1. Playing it "safe".  Following her lead, not
saying anything that you think will upset her and
making sure that you're "proper".

2. Talking about BORING things.  Like jobs,
family, weather, etc., because it's "what people
talk about to get to know each other."

3. Being boring.

PLAYING IT SAFE

  I can remember when I thought that the proper
way to act on a date was to talk about socially
acceptable topics, act sterile and quiet, and
generally try to make sure that she got whatever
she wanted.

  Oh, was this a huge mistake.

  Generally speaking, women are BORED TO DEATH BY
THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR.

  When you meet a girl for a cup of tea or go out
to dinner, it's time to have FUN, not to be her
personal ass kisser!

  Playing it safe and kissing up to her is a sure
way to get either an expensive relationship or a
woman who won't call you back.

TALKING ABOUT BORING THINGS

  Don't talk about your job and your family!

  BORING!

  Guys who are trying to convince women that
they're "nice", talk about their families (If you
really want to be a loser, carry pictures around
with you and show them off).

  Talking about families is "courtship" behavior,
and it will put her into the old "this guy is
boring" frame of mind. Unless you're related to
John F. Kennedy or someone even more interesting,
keep the family history to yourself!

BEING BORING

  So, what does a "boring" guy act like?

  Well, for starters he acts like he's NOT
COMFORTABLE in the situation...

  Nervous smiles. Apologizing. Agreeing with her
opinions all the time. Asking her what she'd like
to do. Holding your body in an unsure, insecure
way.

  That's a good start.

  Mix in a few uncomfortable silences and you've
got the makings for her running as fast as she can
and changing her phone number to save herself from
another one of your boring calls!

  So, what's the answer? What's the secret to
making her feel attracted to you and not BORED OUT
OF HER SKULL?

  I thought you'd never ask.

  Here are a few ideas for starters:

1. Take her somewhere that has a lot going on...
somewhere that has interesting conversation built
in. I like funky areas that have lots of eclectic,
artsy, trendy shops. You can't walk through one of
these areas without having an interesting
conversation.

  There are all kinds of interesting things from
tattoo artists to funky hat shops to ultra-trendy
clothing stores. Most cities have an area like
this, and I'd suggest you go check it out.

2. Talk about something that isn't BORING. One of
my favorite things to do is to get her to talk
about her life, then find things to make fun of.
This is a  great opportunity for cocky and
funny...

  YOU: "So, tell me something interesting."

  HER: "Like what?"

  YOU: "What, you can't think of even ONE
interesting thing about yourself or your life? I
think I need to go before this gets any worse..."

  You get the idea...

3. If there is a silence, NEVER let it be
uncomfortable. I think that it's great to stop
talking when you're first getting to know a woman.
But don't do it in a way that sends chills up her
spine.

  If the conversation goes cold for a few
moments, just pay attention to something else for
a minute. Think about something funny to say and
laugh to yourself. She'll say "What? What are you
laughing about?"... which is a great lead in for
about 1,000 different cocky/funny answers.

  If the conversation stops, be cool. Just act
like you're with a friend, act totally casual, and
pick it back up later. Just don't ACT nervous and
uncomfortable!

4. DON'T BE PREDICTABLE. There is an area of the
human brain called "Broca's Region" that is
constantly anticipating what is about to happen,
then discounting the predictable. In other words,
the more predicable you are, the faster you will
be considered BORING.

  Learn to say random things. Disagree with
her... (without sounding like a whiny little
girl). Tell her that you think Britney Spears
looks like a dog...

  If you're boring, read a couple of books on how
to tell stories. Or get a book on comedy to learn
how to be funny and tell jokes.

  JUST DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO AVOID BEING
PREDICTABLE! And do whatever you have to do to
learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION.

  OK, I think you're getting the idea.

  Women don't want BORING. A woman would rather
be with an interesting, fun guy than with a RICH,
HANDSOME, PREDICTABLE, BORING one (and the women
who want the rich boring guy are often boring
themselves...).

  Once a woman starts to feel that magical,
emotional and physical response called ATTRACTION,
the entire situation changes, and you start having
the kinds of success with women that most men only
dream about.

  And most women go through life WISHING, HOPING,
AND DREAMING that they will someday find a man
that can make them feel this amazing feeling.

Why Women Don't Like Doormats

2008-01-24T11:56:00.000-08:00

I want to share an interesting insight with you
that not 1 in 100 men ever realize on their own.
It's actually TWO insights, but they're two sides
of the same coin.

   It's an amazingly OBVIOUS double insight, and
once you know what it is, you'll see evidence of
it all around you, in every interaction between a
man and a woman.

   And it goes a little sumthin' like this:

1. Most men behave like WUSSIES when it comes to
women and dating.

2. Women NEVER feel the powerful and magical
emotion called ATTRACTION for WUSSIES.

   So let's take them one at a time.

   WHAT exactly IS a WUSSY?

   A Wussy is a guy who kisses up to women.

   A Wussy is a guy who does whatever a woman
wants him to do, and doesn't even know if or when
a woman is testing him.

   A Wussy is a guy who accepts manipulative
behavior from women, and doesn't care if a woman
flakes out on him, takes advantage of him, or acts
overly dramatic around him.

   A Wussy is a guy who has no backbone, and caves
when challenged by a woman.

   A Wussy is a guy who feels that he needs to BUY
or PAY FOR a woman's attention and affection with
gifts, dinners, compliments, and other forms of
payment and flattery... because he can't imagine
that a woman would want to be with him just for
HIM.

   In short, a WUSSY is a submissive man who tries
to compensate for his lack of ability to attract
women by being overly accommodating and generous.

   NEWS JUST IN: MOST MEN ACT LIKE WUSSIES!

   And, if that wasn't bad enough, here's the
REALLY bad news: Women will NEVER feel ATTRACTION
for this kind of behavior, or this kind of guy!

   (If you even doubt what I'm saying for a
SECOND, then try this simple test: Find 3
attractive women, and ask them if they ever feel a
gut-level ATTRACTION for guys who kiss up to them
and act like Wussies, and watch what they say.)

   Want some even WORSE news?

   When this kind of tactic doesn't work for a
guy, he'll usually TRY HARDER, and become even
MORE of a WUSSY to make a girl like him... and the
more a girl runs away, the more of a WUSSY most
guys become.

   YOU DO THE MATH and figure out the outcome of
this equation.

   It totally blows my mind how a guy will kiss up
to a woman and watch with HIS OWN TWO EYES as she
becomes more and more distant... and instead of
him realizing that it's his own WUSS behavior
that's causing the woman to run away, he just
keeps doing it... AND EVEN INCREASING IT!

   And how do I know this so well?

   Because I, my friend, used to be a BIG TIME
Wuss Bag.

   Of course, when I think back about situations
in my life where I behaved like a Wuss and caused
a woman to lose her attraction for me, I slap my
head and say "DUH!"

   For whatever reason, it just wasn't obvious to
me in the moment.

   And, I think that MOST guys go their whole
lives without realizing this critical insight.

   Let me tell you something else that is VITALLY
important for you to remember:

   WOMEN HAVE MILITARY GRADE WUSS-DETECTION RADAR
SYSTEMS.

   Notice that I didn't say "Women are pretty good
at figuring out whether or not you're a Wuss".

   No no noooooo.

   I said that women have MILITARY GRADE WUSS-
DETECTION SYSTEMS.

   I'm talking special forces/navy seal/top gun/
covert ops here.

   I'm talking INSTANT WUSSY DETECTION.

   A woman can tell if you're a Wussy, in most
cases, BEFORE YOU EVEN OPEN YOUR MOUTH. And if she
hasn't figured it out before you open your mouth,
she'll DEFINITELY figure it out once you DO open
your pie-hole.

   So, if women aren't attracted to Wussies, then
why is it that they sometimes accept invitations
to dinner, gifts, flowers, and attention from guys
who are Wussies, only to reject them later on?

   Well, think about it.

1. Free food is free food and free gifts are free
gifts...I mean, when the price is right, it's
right.

2. Women say to themselves, "I really SHOULD date
a nice guy instead of all these SEXY JERKS that
I've been seeing.  I'll let Mr. Girly Man take me
out to dinner a few times and maybe I can learn to
like him".

3. If a woman doesn't have anything going on at
all, dinner with a Wussy and a constant stream of
compliments and attention is better than nothing.

4. Men are NOTORIOUS for showing their "non-Wuss"
side early on, but then somehow turning into a
woman's worst nightmare Wuss Boy as the
relationship progresses.

   What to do, what to do?

   Well, sometimes these things are like a
substance abuse problem. The first step is
ADMITTING that you've been being a WUSS all your
life, and that you were doing the best you could
with what you had to work with.

   I often make fun of guys who act like Wussies,
and bust on them unmercifully... but the fact is
that I've been there, and I get it.

Anyhow...

   So, step one is accepting yourself as you are
and making a commitment to yourself to improve
from here on out.

   Next, you need to learn how to EVICT your inner
Wuss.  Then it's time to get down to business and
learn how to create that magical feeling called
ATTRACTION inside of women.

   It's not magic, and it's not voodoo. Making
women feel a powerful, gut-level ATTRACTION for
you doesn't require looks or money, and I honestly
believe that almost ANY man can learn how to do
it.

   The amazing part about it is that we all have
the NATURAL ability to communicate with women in a
way that makes them feel ATTRACTION... but most of
us never DEVELOPED this natural skill.

   We either didn't have good role models, we were
programmed wrong by mom or other well-meaning
people in our lives, or whatever.

   But just because you haven't yet learned how to
use and develop these natural talents doesn't mean
that you can't start NOW.

   How do I know?

   Because I used to have ZERO SKILL with women.

   Just a few years ago, I couldn't even start a
CONVERSATION with a woman that I didn't know...
never mind get dates and have success with
UNUSUALLY ATTRACTIVE women.

   But NOW I can. And it's all because I spent the
time it took to find and learn the secrets of the
"naturals", or the guys who had already figured
out the skills that it takes to attract women.

Secrets About Women your Mother Never Taught You

2008-01-24T11:53:00.000-08:00

I've spent a lot of time researching this
topic, and doing a lot of personal testing to see
if I could find some answers.

  Right now, as I write this, I think that it
goes like this:

  "Being Nice" in the way that you're describing,
usually means things like: giving compliments,
buying gifts, providing food, doing favors,
tolerating emotional manipulation, pretending to
be in a good mood even if you're not, etc.

  I believe that this is mostly a SOCIALLY and
CULTURALLY CONSTRUCTED set of "rules". There may
be some "hard wiring" in us that makes us
"naturally" want to do nice things for women so
they'll give us approval, but I think it's mostly
PROGRAMMED into us...

  Now, think about it this way: These "nice"
things are typically very FEMININE things to do...

  So, what's a mom in today's culture going to
teach her son?

  Of course... how to be "nice" to girls.

  And, what if there's no dad around to help out
in the "training" of a son? You guessed it... even
MORE "nice" programming from mom.

  The bottom line is that most of the people
walking around on this planet have NO IDEA how
ATTRACTION works, and therefore will never be able
to TEACH another person how this fabulous process
works.

  This includes mothers. Mom loved you and wanted
the best for you, she just had no idea how to
explain what makes women feel ATTRACTION. Mom may
have gotten the tingles when she saw Clint
Eastwood shooting everyone... and Neil Diamond
running around with his sneer, hairy chest and
that pickle in his jeans... (and that reminds
me... EWWWWWW... your mom is gross, dude).

  But, this doesn't mean that she can or would
explain to her boy how to make this happen with
other women!

OK. Let's talk about what we can actually LEARN
from this kind of phenomenon.

  The thing that really fascinates me about
people is THEIR ABILITY TO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S
GOING ON... even though it's going on IN PLAIN
SIGHT ALL AROUND THEM... and the even MORE amazing
tendency to ARGUE VIOLENTLY WHEN one of these
OBVIOUS THINGS IS PRESENTED TO THEM.

  I've read some fascinating books about the
concept of "self-deception", and I've come to
realize that we humans have an amazing capacity
for not seeing what's there... to the point where
it can be very bad for us.

  Like I just said, we often ARGUE about things
that are OBVIOUS to others... which makes it even
worse.

  I need to stop ranting and raving, and land the
plane on this one...

  This mechanism is, of course, a survival
mechanism that helps us to weed out all of the
useless information that's coming in through our
senses at any given time, but it can go overboard
and prevent us from seeing USEFUL information as
well.

  Next Point: A lot of our cultural and social
programming is "off-base" to some degree, which
causes us to see things and interpret things
incorrectly when we do see them.

  Finally, we humans don't like to change our
beliefs about things. We don't like to admit that
we might be wrong in the first place, and we feel
unstable or insecure when we realize that a
fundamental truth we have held all our life is
incorrect.

  Lump all of this together, and you have moms
who teach their sons the "proper" way to act and
men who have NO IDEA how to be successful with
women... and then women who REALLY get upset when
you actually start teaching men what WORKS to
attract women (for more evidence of this, just
read some of these newsletters I'm sending you!)

  Wow, I'm really going on an unusually
intellectual rant today! Nice. This is making me
feel pretty smart... I think I'll keep it up...

  So, what's all this information good for?

  Well, to start off, I think that it's important
in life to continually question YOUR OWN beliefs
about how things work and what is possible.

  I think it's also good to constantly question
your LIMITING beliefs.

  Unfortunately, most people do the opposite...
they question their ability to succeed and they
doubt their own ability to get what they want.

  Most people constantly "self-sabotage"
themselves.

  If instead, you question your LIMITATIONS and
your LIMITING BELIEFS, and you constantly look
with your own eyes to see if there's something
going on that nobody mentioned to you, then you'll
begin to see things that will blow your mind.

  It took me about 4 or 5 years to realize that
ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE. But as soon as I say
it, you can immediately get what I'm talking
about, and maybe even have a profound realization
that will lead to success.

  The phrase "Attraction Isn't A Choice" makes
you have the "ah ha" that you can't make a woman
feel attraction for you by CONVINCING her... so
you STOP.

  Now, I didn't figure this out by having someone
TELL it to me. I figured it out by questioning the
things I was hearing, and by following my own
intuition that there was a SOLUTION to this puzzle
called "women and dating".

  So, here's a "home work" assignment for you:

1 - Write down all of the things that SHOULD work
when it comes to making women feel attracted to
you. This might include buying gifts and food,
giving constant compliments, and acting "nice".

2 - Write down your own personal experience of
what ACTUALLY HAPPENS when you do these "socially
correct things that mom taught you" with women.

3 - Pretend for a moment that everything you've
been taught about women is wrong. Furthermore,
pretend that women are actually wired in REVERSE.
If this were true, what kinds of things would
result in a woman feeling ATTRACTION for a man?

  Does this open up some new possibilities for
you?

  I invite you to question "common sense" and
"what your mother taught you" about women.

  I also invite you to come and learn some of the
VERY ILLOGICAL, YET INCREDIBLY POWERFUL techniques
that I've learned, developed, refined, and
described in my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD
program.

  The ideas that I've just discussed are part of
what I consider to be the "Inner Game" of dating
success.

  Most guys spend almost NO time working on their
Inner Game... instead, they spend time learning
things like "pick up lines" and other almost
USELESS stuff.

  If you don't have your "Inner Game" together,
you'll never be effective with "techniques and
tricks".

How To Stop Paying For Dates With Women

2008-01-24T11:45:00.000-08:00

I've gotten several emails asking questions
like, "Should I pay for dates?" and "How do I
avoid paying for dates?"

  The answer that I'm going to propose is almost
misleading in its simplicity, but hey... those are
my favorite kind...

  DON'T GO OUT ON "TRADITIONAL DINNER DATES"
ANYMORE.

  See, if you don't go out on "take her out to
dinner" dates anymore, then you won't have to deal
with paying for them.

  Profound, I know. Please, hold the applause.

  Let me explain this a little more...

  A lot of good research suggests that women
think men, who are potential mates, fall into one
of two categories. I call these categories "Lover"
and "Provider". If you've read my book "Double
Your Dating" then you will recall that one of the
three free bonus reports was dedicated to this
topic.

  The basic idea goes like this:

  In a "traditional" boy-meets-girl situation,
the girl makes a decision early on whether you're
the type of guy that she should get physically
involved with quickly (spelled A-T-T-R-A-C-T-I-O-
N), or if you're of the "nicer" type (spelled W-U-
S-S-Y) that would be glad to "prove" yourself to
her by paying for lots of expensive dates, buying
flowers, etc.

  I realize that I'm generalizing here, and that
I'm being a bit extreme... but I'm making a point,
so go with me.

  A very common approach that men use is the old
"Can I take you out sometime?" line.

  At first glance, it sounds innocent enough.

  It has the ring of "I'm a nice guy, and I'd
like to take you to dinner so I have a chance to
get to know you better" to it, right?

  Well, it may seem that way at first glance, but
let's get a little deeper into what ELSE you're
saying when you ask a question like this one (or
start off by paying for dinner, etc.).

  Here are a few of the OTHER LESS OBVIOUS things
that you're saying when you offer to "take a woman
out".

1) You're starting off the relationship RIGHT FROM
THE BEGINNING by offering to buy something for
her, and more importantly YOU'RE SETTING AN
EXPECTATION. In other words, when you do this,
you're setting an expectation that you're going to
do this from NOW ON.

2) You're subtly saying, "I feel like I need to
use a bribe to get you to see me again". I'm sure
that men have been bribing women with food and
gifts since the dawn of our species. Does this
sound far-fetched to you? Check out how our
closest relatives, the chimps use food to persuade
females to have sex with them. No, really.

3) Once you "take a woman out" and prove to her
beyond the shadow of a doubt that you like to pay
for things, you set a whole series of other
subconscious expectations in place. Without going
into detail, most of these other expectations will
only lead her thinking of you in the "nice guy"
category, and costing you time and money that you
might as well have thrown down a rat hole.

4) By going out to a typical nice restaurant
setting, you start a whole chain of events that
often leads to two people looking at each other
over a candle, in a loud room full of other
people, with a typically uncomfortable "OK, so
tell me about yourself and don't ask me too many
personal questions please" look on your faces.

  I don't know about you, but this just isn't my
idea of a good time.

  So, what's the alternative?

As I said earlier, the first thing you might
consider doing is NOT ASKING WOMEN "OUT" ANYMORE.

  Instead, just say, "Do you have email?" If she
does, hand her a pen and say, "Great, write it
down for me." Then, follow up by inviting her to
join you for a cup of tea and some stimulating
conversation. Here's an example email for you:

"Hi, it was fun talking yesterday... I'm thinking
that we should get together tomorrow for a cup of
tea and some stimulating conversation. You seem
like you might make a nice friend."

  Then, if you're REALLY cheap, show up 5 minutes
late so she buys her own tea and is waiting for
you. You can even say, "How inconsiderate of
you... where's mine?"

  Here's the key:

  IF YOU WANT TO BE A MAN THAT SHE FEELS
ATTRACTION FOR, THEN QUIT ACTING LIKE ALL THE
OTHER GUYS THAT TRY TO BUY HER ATTENTION WITH FOOD
AND GIFTS.

  Use the techniques that you're learning from me
to be Cocky & Funny, keep her laughing, and
generally bust on her to increase the ATTRACTION
level.

  If you buy a woman enough dinners, she may
begin to feel some AFFECTION for you... but food
and gifts will never lead to ATTRACTION. Big
difference.

  Now, knowing how to avoid buying women dinners
and gifts is only a small piece of the puzzle.

  You obviously need to know how to get a woman
to be interested enough to date you in the first
place before you can NOT take her out on a date!

  Well, as you can probably imagine, I've spent a
lot of years now figuring out how to become the
kind of guy that women want to be around.

  I've spent a lot of time watching guys who are
what you might call "Naturals" with women.

  I've spent a lot of time trying out just about
every imaginable idea and strategy with women...

  And guess what?

  Most of them SUCKED.

  Most of them didn't work.

  Most of them felt strange and manipulative.

  Most of them were just plain not good.

  After trying all this stuff and feeling around
in the dark for quite a long time, I started to
realize that my problem wasn't the TECHNIQUES I
was using, it was the way I was approaching
things.

  You see, I hadn't really taken the time to
understand women and the psychology of dating and
attraction.

Good Conversation Topics For Dates

2008-01-24T11:41:00.000-08:00

There are really two very different (and
important) aspects to the "conversations with
women" topic:

1. The HOW.

2. The WHAT.

"THE HOW..."

 Most guys want to know "what to talk about"
with women.

 It only makes sense that you should talk about
things that women are interested in... right?

 Well... partially.

 It is actually FAR MORE IMPORTANT to talk about
whatever topic you're talking about in the RIGHT
WAY.

 In other words, if you don't understand HOW to
carry on a conversation that creates ATTRACTION,
then it really won't matter WHAT you talk about...
because the woman you're talking to won't FEEL
anything towards you.

 The HOW of conversation includes (but, is not
limited to):

-  Your body language

-  Eye contact

-  The Cocky & Funny style of communicating

-  Flirting

-  Sending mixed messages

-  Directing the conversation

-  Dealing with common questions and topics

 ...and many other things.

 My point is that if you're running into a lot
of "uncomfortable silences", nervousness, and
other usual challenges, then you probably need to
get the HOW handled before the WHAT.

 "THE WHAT..."

 With that said, there are several topics that
are GREAT to discuss with women.

 But instead of just giving them to you, I want
you to do yourself a favor and THINK for a minute.

 What topics do women PAY to hear about?

 Hint: Cosmo magazine, romance novels, soap
operas, nighttime dramas, the fashion channel...
etc.

 If you think about it, the answer to this
question is rather obvious.

 For whatever reason, WOMEN tend to LOVE:

-  Drama

-  Conflict

-  Romance

-  Famous people and their lives

 So... it's really quite easy to enjoy a
conversation with a woman about these topics.

 Here are a few ideas:

1. Play amateur psychologist to the stars.

 Talk about how someone famous is doing
something really stupid, then psycho-analyze them.

 Actors, rock stars and famous sports figures
just LOVE to do crazy things... cheat on their
spouses... and then say "I didn't do it".

 These situations are BEGGING to be picked apart
with a fine-toothed, critical, funny, sarcastic
mind.

2. Find an interesting looking group of people and
guess what's going on.

 Look around you, and find a couple sitting at a
table that looks like they're on their first date.

 Then, start making fun of how the guy is
acting, how he's dressed, his posture, or
whatever. Talk about how the woman is thinking
that he's a dork and how he's not getting any, no
matter how many compliments he gives her.

 Analyzing what's going on with a close group of
others is big fun, and women love it.

3. Make fun of someone famous.

 Talk about how a super model is too skinny, or
how Ben Affleck can only date women named
Jennifer.

 All you have to do is read a few gossip
magazines to get all kinds of great stuff to make
fun of.

 It's fun, it's funny, and it's a great way to
talk like you're all that.

4. Talk about other people's love lives.

 Talk about the problems that others are going
through when it comes to love and romance, then
volunteer completely ridiculous theories about
what's going on.

 Mention a friend you had who broke up with his
girlfriend because she gained weight, then after
you've told the story, make up a random theory
about how women who gain weight are actually
lesbians.

 But, make sure it's funny, whatever you invent.

 ...I think you "feel me".

 The point here is that women are NATURALLY
fascinated and drawn to certain topics... so USE
THEM.

 The REAL benefit of talking to women about
topics that really interest them is that you can
USE ALL THE OTHER IDEAS THAT YOU'RE LEARNING while
you're talking!

 You can AMPLIFY THE ATTRACTION as the
conversation goes on... as long as you know what
else to do as you talk.

 Oh, by the way...

 Topics to avoid: Rape, kidnapping, stalking,
death, chess, computers, comic books, Star Wars
and your secret love: wrestling.

 NEVER talk about topics that might really freak
a woman out, or topics that make you look like the
biggest loser alive, especially in the beginning.

 You'll create BAD VIBES that will make any
attraction that you've created INSTANTLY
disappear.

 Others to really avoid include talking
negatively about yourself, talking about how
desperate you are or how long it's been since
you've been on a date, asking if she likes you or
if you're her "type"... and any other WUSS-BAG
topic that makes you look insecure and needy.

 Remember, the key to success with women is
creating a powerful emotional ATTRACTION between
you and her.

 If you don't know how to do this, then NOTHING
you do is going to help you very much.

 If you DO know how and why women feel
ATTRACTION for men, then almost ANYTHING you do or
talk about can amplify it.

Mistakes That Turn Women Off

2008-01-24T11:36:00.000-08:00

I'd like to tell you a story...

  It's a story that you might find strangely
familiar. Don't be alarmed.

  Once upon a time, there was a man who was very
attracted to a particular woman.

  At first, she was just another attractive
woman... but the more he got to know her, the more
he began to feel attracted to her... and the more
time he spent with her, the more that attraction
grew into a deep emotional attachment and
affection for her.

  But, there was one problem.

  As his emotional attachment grew stronger and
stronger, he also grew more and more insecure.

  Why?

  Because he couldn't tell whether or not she
felt the same way towards him.

  Sometimes, she would say things like, "You are
so important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in
my life"... but nothing ever progressed past the
"friendship" stage.

  There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss
on the cheek from her... and once, she even held
his hand for a long time while he talked about an
emotional issue.

  But, something was wrong with the picture.

  She just wasn't acting like a woman that was
"falling in love". She was acting like a friend.

  The insecurity that he felt became a spiral
that amplified itself... and the more insecure he
became, the more afraid he grew of "screwing
things up" by kissing her or asking her to be his
girlfriend.

  Plus, the more insecure he became, the less
time she seemed to want to spend with him.

  After spending many days and nights obsessing
over this girl, the man finally arrived at the
conclusion that, if she only knew how HE FELT, she
would feel the same way.

  So, he made a bold move.

  He TOLD HER how he felt.

  He confessed that he was in love and that he
would do anything to be with her.

  She looked at him with compassion in her eyes
and said, "Thank you... I really mean that... but
I don't want to mess up our friendship... you're
too important to me...."

  This only confused the man more.

  He didn't know how to take it...

  Did it mean that she really loved him too, but
that she was afraid of something?

  Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long
term relationship?

  Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that
she was trying to give him a hint?

  Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough?

  Did it mean that he needed to put everything on
the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?

  He finally decided that he couldn't go on like
this anymore... he had to be with her.

  He had to make sure that she knew just how much
he wanted to be with her... so, he took a big step
- He bought her a symbolic gift and wrote her a
long, long letter... again confessing his
feelings.

  And then, the unthinkable happened.

  She didn't reply.

  He called her three times a day for almost a
week before reaching her.

  She made an excuse about being very busy and
said, "I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to
go"... and hung up...

  but... he never got a call back.

  Over the following months the man tried
desperately to understand what went wrong... and
what happened.

  THE END

  OK, I'm back.

  Now, wasn't that a sweet story?

  Heartwarming, huh?

  I know, I should keep my day job, and not take
up writing romance novels...

  Now, let's talk about that story.

  That story is basically a MYTH.

  And I'm not talking about FICTION here.

  I'm talking about a story that rings true for a
great majority of men. A story that is timeless. A
story that resonates at a deep level because you
can IDENTIFY with it.

  And why does this particular story resonate for
most men?

  Because we've all been there in one way or
another... at one time or another... and many of
us have been there OFTEN in our lives.

  Another thing that gives this particular story
a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions
that it stirs... as a result of the powerful
negative experiences that it reminds us of...

  Stories and situations like this one really
FASCINATE me.

  They fascinate me because I see them as an
opportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles
that they represent.

  In this particular situation I think there is a
solution.

  And it lies in understanding a secret that
women know, but MEN DON'T.

  And that secret comes down to the reality that
if a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of his
attempts to confess his love, convince her to like
him, and court her BACKFIRE.

  In other words, they not only DON'T WORK, they
actually make things WORSE.

  The very things that a man does to try to make
a woman LIKE HIM, make her NOT like him.

  They make her run.

  All those great intentions and emotional
dedication actually cause the man feeling them to
do things that make her go away.

  It sucks.

  And I hope that by explaining the process of
how this happens, I'll help you to avoid this
painful situation in the future...

THE "INSTANT EWWW"

  I'm always fascinated by the idea that we
humans don't always understand the message that
we're communicating to others...

  So often we think that just because we WANT to
communicate a message, that others are going to
NATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.

  Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that
has wheels on it that cost more than the car
itself... with his stereo blasting... and a
muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw sound of
the 4-cylinder motor...?

  Have you ever thought to yourself, "I don't
think that car is communicating the message to
women that he thinks it is"...?

  Yeah, I have too.

  Well here's the deal:

  If you do something to "let a woman know how
you feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, then
it IS going to backfire.

  It's going to trigger a feeling that I like to
call the "Instant Ewww".

  The "Instant Ewww" is just as powerful as the
physical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.

  Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE.

  It's over.

  It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the
coffin.

  Once a woman feels the "Instant Ewww", she will
start behaving differently.

  In short, she'll disappear.

  So where did I get the concept of the "Instant
Ewww"?

  I got it from WOMEN.

  I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the
word "Ewww" when describing how they felt about a
guy that was "confessing his love"...  Of course,
these were guys that weren't loved in return.

  So, what causes the "Instant Ewww"?

  And why would a woman feel it towards a man who
was trying to be nice... a guy who was giving her
a gift or telling her how he feels?

  Because if you think about it from HER
perspective, you'll realize that the moment a you
do something to "confess", you have created a
TURNING POINT in the relationship.

  Up until that point, you were harmless.

  I mean, women always know how men feel.

  She already knew you wanted her.

  She knew it from the beginning.

  But now that you've started pursuing her and
talking about how you feel, you've created a
NEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable.

  You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive
to women. And it does repel them.

  In summary...

  You can't "make a woman like you" or "change
how she feels about you" by doing nice things for
her...

  Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't
attracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse,
it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes
it so she'll NEVER like you.

  Men make this mistake over and over again in
life because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to
them. They're doing it because they don't have an
understanding of ATTRACTION.

  I mean, if you have a friend, and you like
them, and you want to make them like you more...
and you do some nice things for them, they will
probably like you more.

  On the other hand...

  If you have a woman that you "like" in a
romantic way and she doesn't "feel it" for you,
and you do something nice for her because you want
HER to like you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she
will not only NOT like you more, she will most
likely distance herself from you.

  Guys think that they need to communicate when
they like a woman... as if that's part of the
necessary process of getting a girl.

  In their minds, it goes like this:

  Like her -> Tell her you like her -> She likes
you

  Well remember... if you follow this pattern
yourself with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you,
then it's going to BACKFIRE.

  If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:

  She thinks of you as a friend -> You tell her
you like her -> She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and
never wants to be around you again...

THE ANSWER

  There are really TWO answers to this problem.

  The first answer is what to do if you're in a
situation where you like a particular girl, but
you don't know if she likes you back.

  DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HER.

  Don't buy her a big gift and write a love
letter...

  Don't send her ten dozen roses to her work with
a note that says, "From your secret admirer".

  Don't call her three times a day.

  And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.

  If you want to know how she feels about you,
KISS HER (and use "The Kiss Test" that you learned
on my website and in my book).

  As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HER.
Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she feels...
and if you don't know how to read and create those
signals, then LEARN.

  Asking a woman if she's interested in you in a
romantic way or if you are "her type", will
actually DESTROY the chances that she'll like you.

  Really.

  The SECOND answer is: Don't get into this
particular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it
entirely.

  And how does one do that?

  One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the
beginning.

  One does that by understanding the dynamics of
how and why women have the physical and emotional
response of ATTRACTION triggered.

Why You Should not Compliment A Woman

2008-01-24T11:33:00.000-08:00

Here are the three things that I'd like to address:

1) The idea that women LOVE to be complimented.

2) The idea that women spend all of their time and
energy getting ready and fixing themselves up
because they want compliments.

3) The difference between complimenting a
"special" girl and complimenting just ANY girl.

Here are a few things to keep in mind as you
read my commentary on this letter and these
different topics:

A) We humans (and I'm talking about women in
particular here) don't always REALIZE what we
REALLY want.

B) We humans don't like to admit what's REALLY
going on inside of us, because it can be
irrational and illogical.

C) It's very important to realize that there is a
CRITICAL difference between a girl you've just met
or have dated a few times and a SPECIAL girl in
your life.

So, let's talk about the topics individually...

THE IDEA THAT WOMEN LOVE TO BE COMPLIMENTED

Do women love to be complimented?

I think so.

In fact, I think that many really ATTRACTIVE
women FEED off of attention and compliments. The
more attention and compliments they get, the
better and more powerful they feel. It's an ego
boost.

BUT... and it's a BUTTTTT bigger than J-Lo's,
this doesn't mean that a woman will feel ATTRACTED
to you if you give her compliments.

Attractive women get compliments in various
forms all the time. In fact, they're so used to
getting compliments, that's what they EXPECT.

As a matter of fact, if you start talking to an
attractive woman and say, "Wow, you're really
beautiful. I mean, you're like a goddess... are
you a model or an actress?" etc., the most LIKELY
response you're going to get is her giving you the
cold shoulder.

Why?

Because SHE GOT WHAT SHE NEEDED FROM YOU and
you showed her that you're JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER
guy out there that will worship her for her
physical beauty.

As a general rule, you ALWAYS want to avoid
being mentally slotted into the "average" and
"like all the other guys" category at ALL COST.

I have started conversations by giving a woman
a compliment, but I NEVER let it become part of
the actual conversation. If anything, I begin
teasing and making fun of her looks as soon as
possible, if she's REALLY hot-looking. And I never
give the compliment in a way that says, "I'm
intimidated because you're obviously very powerful
and desirable."

WOMEN SPEND ALL OF THEIR TIME AND ENERGY GETTING
READY, FIXING THEMSELVES UP, AND DRESSING SEXY TO
GET COMPLIMENTS

About 4 or 5 years ago when I was first
learning about how to be successful with women, a
good friend of mine said something that totally
shocked me.

He said, "Women don't dress up for men, they
dress up for each other."

I was stunned.

I couldn't understand the logic behind this for
the life of me. It still makes me shake my head
when I think about it.

As it happens, I have lived in Southern
California for a few years (San Diego and Los
Angeles). This is a place where beautiful women
from all over the world come to seek fame and
fortune.

I have been able to see things and learn things
here that would have taken much longer to learn if
I had lived in other places, because I can see how
attractive women interact with EACH OTHER more
often.

If you put a group of attractive women together
in a club or bar, and watch them carefully, you'll
see something interesting begin to happen...

The women will start doing "catty" things, like
looking each other up and down with disgusted
looks, making negative comments to their friends
about how other women look, and trying to
intimidate other women with their eyes.

Most men would never notice this subtle
communication that's going on between women, but
if you look for it, you'll find it.

The fact is that women don't like to compete
with each other on the football field, they
compete to be the most attractive.

Men could really care less what a woman is
wearing or how she's dressed for the most part.
Sure, it's nice to see a woman dressed well, but
it's just not that important.

But for women it's a whole different matter
entirely.

Women, and especially attractive women, don't
like the idea that another woman is getting more
attention than her. And women can tell very
quickly if another woman is more attractive...
this leads to "bitch looks", negative comments,
and other amazing displays.

To summarize, women don't spend a lot of time
fixing themselves up to get compliments, they do
it to compete with and impress other women. Ask a
few attractive, well-dressed women about this and
they'll tell you.

Finally, point #3...

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COMPLIMENTING A GIRL YOU
DON'T KNOW VERY WELL AND A "SPECIAL" GIRL

My topic is women and dating.

WOMEN AND DATING.

It's not "women you're in a relationship with"
or "special girls" or anything of the sort.

After you've gone out with a woman for a few
months or so, and she proves to you beyond the
shadow of a doubt that she's a great PERSON, then
I think it's great to consider making her your
"special girl."

And yes, the dynamics change at that point. You
can be nicer... you can be more complimentary...
you can do more thoughtful things... At this stage
this kind of thing will have a different meaning
(BUT, DON'T EVER TURN INTO A WUSSY!)

As I mentioned, if you start talking to an
attractive woman and you immediately start with
the "You are beautiful and I'm not worthy"
routine, you shoot yourself in the foot.

There's a HUGE opportunity in these first
meeting situations, but most guys never even
CONSIDER it because it's not what comes naturally.

The thing to do when you meet an attractive
woman is to actually TEASE AND BUST on her a bit,
rather than giving her compliments.

This effectively scrambles her whole program
and causes her to lose her composure. It takes her
off guard and shakes her out of her world... so
you can actually have a conversation.

Remember the newsletter awhile back with the
guy who walks up to women and says, "Your fly is
open", then walks away?

The woman always comes and finds him to say,
"You're a JERK!"... and then he laughs at her...
and the woman winds up going out with him.

Verrrrrry interesting.

Do you think it would work the same way if he
walked up to women and said, "You're amazingly
beautiful" and then walked away?

I think not.

So in summary, it's true... women do in fact
like compliments. But, if you want to make a woman
feel that magical feeling of ATTRACTION for you,
then you might think twice about giving them too
early on.

Women like compliments that they have to WORK
FOR a lot more than the ones that just come to
them.

What Attracts Beautiful Women

2008-01-24T11:05:00.001-08:00

If you listen to women talk about men, you'll
often hear them use the word "ANNOYING" to
describe certain men and certain things that some
men DO.

Now, as you can probably guess, it's not
usually a good thing when a woman uses this
particular word to describe a guy...

And, as you can ALSO probably guess, when a
woman uses this particular word, it's not usually
about guys who she is ATTRACTED to (although this
isn't always true).

Now, it's taken me a few years of paying
attention to really get a handle on what women are
talking about when they say, "He's annoying" or
"It's so annoying when he does that".

And guess what I realized was at the ROOT of
women finding a guy or his behavior annoying?

IT'S ALMOST ALWAYS WUSSY BEHAVIOR!

AHHHH!

THINGS THAT ANNOY WOMEN...

Here are some of the things that many women
consider to be "annoying":

- Calling her too often

- Telling her that you have "feelings" for her too
early

- Giving away your power to her and making her the
boss

- Always asking a woman what she wants instead of
leading

- Acting submissive and weak

- Accepting her demands, bossy-ness, and
manipulative requests

- Being her doormat and putting your own needs
aside

"WHAT?" you say.

"HOW COULD THIS BE?"... you might be thinking.

How is it possible that demonstrating your
affection for a woman by calling her, telling her
how you feel, letting her make the decisions, and
putting her first could be considered ANNOYING, of
all things?

Well guess what?

IT IS.

Women, and ESPECIALLY the most ATTRACTIVE and
desirable women, usually consider the above things
to be VERY annoying.

Of course, the reason for this is because no
matter how good these kinds of behaviors seem on
the surface, there's only one conclusion that can
be drawn from them:

THE MAN DOING THEM IS A BONAFIDE, 100%
CERTIFIABLE WUSSY!

AND WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WUSSIES.

NEVER.

Now, do I really, really, REALLY mean that
women are NEVER, EVER attracted to Wussies?

I mean, isn't that an over-generalization?

Nothing is always true, right?

Well, this one IS.

Actually, what I MEAN is...

As far as generalizations go, this particular
one is as close to being true all the time as they
get.

And just in case I haven't said this enough,
let me say it one more time... just to make sure
it's clear:

WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO WUSSIES.

So now you understand why all of the "nice"
things that you've done for women seem to always
result in the woman pulling away.

It's because she finds your nice-guy "Wuss"
behaviors to be ANNOYING.

AND IT KEEPS GETTING WORSE...

To further confuse things, you'll often hear a
woman say something to the effect of...

"I want a STRONG guy who is also SENSITIVE..."

...or...

"He needs to have his own life, his own
interests, and his own friends, but also be
totally focused on me..."

I see things like this in women's personal ads
all the time. I'm sure you've seen things like
this yourself.

Women often talk about wanting a combination of
things in a man that just don't seem to fit...

So what's going on here?

Are women crazy? (Yes.)

But seriously, what are they talking about?

How is it that women seem to always talk about
wanting men who have these qualities that don't
fit together?

I know that I personally used to hear this
stuff and then say to myself "OK, well I've got
the sensitive part covered so I guess I need to
start acting a little bit stronger."

I thought that maybe this came down to getting
my lazy ass to the gym and working out. You know,
to become "stronger".

No, I'm serious.

Well, here's the BIG REALIZATION that I had...

I've now realized that I had it all wrong.

Instead of thinking to myself that I was a
nice, sensitive guy that needed to become a little
stronger, what I really needed was to become a
strong guy who could also act sensitive on
occasion.

The difference seems almost like word-play, but
it's not. Not at all.

You see, when a woman says that she wants a
"strong guy who's also sensitive", that's what she
MEANS.

She wants a guy who's STRONG. The sensitive
part is far more "optional" than the STRONG part.

This is why women often date jerks and guys who
are emotionally unavailable, and don't date us
"nice guys" who would do anything for them.

Remember, ATTRACTION ISN'T A CHOICE.

Women do not sit down and make a list of the
qualities that a particular guy has, then think it
over it for a few days, then DECIDE whether or not
to FEEL ATTRACTION.

NO WAY.

It happens in an INSTANT, and it happens for
all kinds of "illogical" reasons... reasons that
even the woman who is feeling it can't usually
describe.

So what's the answer here?

The answer here is to realize that many of the
things you do when you're around women that you
feel attracted to, are considered ANNOYING by
those women.

You must understand that you sometimes have to
do things that SEEM to be "inconsiderate" in order
to give a woman what she REALLY wants (which is a
man who is in control of himself, the situation,
and often her).

Raise your right hand, and repeat after me...

"I will stop being a Wussy around women."

"I will stop being a Wussy around women."

"I will stop being a Wussy around women."

Stop doing things that say "I'm a Wussy",
because those are the very things that women find
ANNOYING.

And START doing the things that you're learning
here.

Lean back. Act Cocky & Funny around women. Bust
on them and give them a hard time. And LEAD the
way, don't follow.

Now, one of the problems that a lot of guys run
into is "putting together" different personality
traits that don't seem to go together.

Women say that they want guys who are funny...
but also strong.

Many of the things women SAY they want seem
like they CONFLICT with each other.

What's a guy to do?

Well, THE FIRST thing a guy should do is learn
what WORKS.

Not what SOUNDS like it might work.

Not what SHOULD work.

And not what is SUPPOSED to work.

LEARN WHAT WORKS.

I personally spent several years trying to
figure out what "works". Why did it take me so
long?

Because, as it turns out, I started out with a
HUGE disadvantage.

And I'm not talking about a disadvantage like a
big nose (which I have).

I'm talking about a disadvantage like BAD
PROGRAMMING.

I had a "map" in my mind... of how I thought I
should behave around women... and it turned out to
be THE WRONG MAP.

The most frustrating part was that when I did
the things that SHOULD work, they made women UN-
interested.

It was as if the world wasn't working right.

I would be sweet and nice, and a woman would
not want to talk to me.

I would call often and share my feelings with
her, and she would fall for the rude jerk who
could care less about treating her well.

Well, as you might already know, sometimes I'm
a "glutton for punishment".

Translation: I stuck with it anyway. I kept
trying to figure out what works... even though the
things I was doing WEREN'T working.

The magic "breakthrough" came ONLY after I
started making friends with and watching guys who
were VERY successful with women... then putting
what I knew about psychology and behavior together
with the NEW stuff I was learning "in the field".

What I discovered was literally SHOCKING to me.

I can remember slapping myself on the forehead,
shaking my noggin, and laughing to myself... as I
watched some of my new friends who were good with
women... doing things that just plain SHOULDN'T
work... but that DID work.

Here's one of the lessons I learned:

Body Language is more important than WORD
language.

In fact, you can have the smoothest "pick up
lines" in the world... but if you don't understand
Body Language, the woman you're talking to CAN'T
feel ATTRACTION for you.

Here's another one:

Doing "nice" things for a woman doesn't make
her any more likely to feel ATTRACTION for you. In
fact, most of these things BACKFIRE... and wind up
pushing her AWAY.

Here's a third lesson I learned:

Even though "jerks" and "bad boys" don't treat
women well, doesn't mean that women don't feel
ATTRACTION for them.

In fact, women often report feeling INCREDIBLY
attracted to these kinds of men... so powerfully,
in fact, that they can't CONTROL these feelings...

As I was learning these interesting and
"counter intuitive" lessons, I also began
documenting the specific things that the guys who
were "naturals" with women did... in order to
attract women.

One of my BIGGEST realizations was that
literally ANY guy can attract women... if he just
understands how ATTRACTION works.

And any guy can use the secrets that "jerks"
and "bad boys" have discovered and used... WITHOUT
being abusive or mean.

In fact, if you LEAVE OUT the meanness or
abuse, a woman will be FAR more likely to STAY
around.

Recently, I've released two educational
programs that teach two very important aspects of
how to attract women.

The first one is called "Body Language For
Success With Women And Dating". In this program, I
will show you how to transform yourself from a
"nice, sweet, annoying WUSSY" into a guy who women
feel ATTRACTION for... by transforming your BODY
LANGUAGE alone.

Like I said, if you don't know how to use BODY
LANGUAGE to communicate with and attract women,
then the WORDS you say DON'T MATTER.

What To Do Before a Hot Date

2008-01-24T11:00:00.000-08:00

I see men at dinner with their dates.
DESPERATELY trying to get the women they're with
to show any sign of interest... but the women only
become colder and less interested. And I know
that the women are only getting ANNOYED at this
behavior.

  I read personal ads in the paper and online
from men who are saying "Hey, pick me! I'm a great
guy! No, really!"... and I know that the women
reading these ads are saying to themselves "Yeah,
loser"... and the guys are getting little or no
response...

  I think you get the picture.

  The point I'm making is that when you do things
like asking her if she wants you to call her or if
she wants to call you... and apologizing for
making out with her, you are making the same basic
mistake.

  Why would you apologize for making out with a
woman?

  I mean, think about it.

  You're not REALLY sorry... otherwise you would
not have done it in the first place. Duh.

  You were actually LYING when you said you were
sorry. You were only sorry that she didn't want to
continue, man.

  When you said, "I'm sorry", what she HEARD was
"Uh oh, I just screwed up. I'd better say
something quick to fix this. I will put aside my
own wants and desires, and say whatever you want
to hear in hopes that you'll like me and give me
attention and approval".

  Really.

  It's actually even WORSE than that.

  The reality of this situation is that when you
apologized, you created a POWER SHIFT.

  The power shifted from YOU to HER.

  You felt it, and she felt it.

  I guarantee that in the few seconds after you
said "I'm sorry", you felt a sinking feeling in
your stomach and knew something was wrong. But I
ALSO guarantee that she felt a little SURGE of
power AT THAT VERY MOMENT.

  At the same moment you were realizing that you
just did something wrong, she was realizing that
she OWNED YOU.

  Unfortunately, she probably also felt a little
bit of disappointment in you, because you were
apologizing for something just to get her
approval... and women don't WANT to own men.

  Heavy man, heavy.

  And the SAME thing happened in the moment that
you asked her if she wanted you to call her or if
she wanted to call you (but probably to a lesser
degree).

  That's one of those little moments where you
basically said "Here, take the power. Tell me what
you want me to do, and I'll do it. You get to make
the decisions. Please tell me that you want me to
call you, because that will affirm that you like
me".

  Keep this up, and you'll probably wind up a
boyfriend who she eventually cheats on... or, even
worse, a boyfriend who she eventually marries and
then divorces because you turned into a boring
Wussy husband from hell.

  So, my general advice to you is:

  STOP IT!

  Stop doing things that let her know that she
OWNS you.

  One of the best things you can do is learn to
PAUSE before you respond to ANYTHING that makes
you feel an "Emotional Wussy Rush".

  If she says something that indicates that she's
not happy with you or your behavior, PAUSE.

  Don't respond. Stay still. Keep the mouth shut
and the brain operating.

  If you have to, run everything through your
mental "Wussy Analyzer".

  Decide if the response you're going to give her
is to get her approval, and if it is, STOP.

  Don't do things that hand over the power in the
relationship. Don't let the things a woman says
shake you emotionally.

  Finally, I want to address your mistake of
making out with her somewhere other than in your
house or her house.

  I'm sure the reason is obvious, right?

  One of the best things I've learned is that if
you LEAN BACK when you're out on a date with a
girl, and don't try to "make your move" early on,
you'll do MUCH better later.

  You mentioned that you're reading my eBook
right now... and it sounds like you're actually
doing pretty well. If you've gotten five women's
numbers in four days, I think you're going to
live... lol.

  Pay close attention, because in my eBook (and
especially in my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD
program) I share some KILLER techniques for making
it completely "natural" for a woman to come back
to your place, come inside, etc. and the exact
steps to take, to take things to a "physical
level" once you're there.

  Most guys totally screw this part up.

  They go to all the trouble to approach a woman,
get her number, call her, get a date, go on the
date, pay for the date, spend all that time... and
then have NO IDEA what to do next.

  The reality is that if you just KNOW WHAT TO
DO, and you've prepared in advance, you can easily
take things to the next level... and give her an
experience that will make her DEFINITELY call you
back for another date.

Effective Way to Start Conversations With Women

2008-01-24T10:53:00.001-08:00

Hey! There are many different ways to meet and
attract women... and there's ONE way that will fit
your personality perfectly. But, it's up to you to
find and learn that one way.

This week I want to talk about an obvious point
that's taken me a few years to really notice.

   The idea is simple: We humans don't want what
everyone else has... we want what everyone else
has AND MORE. In the context of women and dating,
it goes like this:

WOMEN AREN'T ATTRACTED TO GUYS THEY PERCEIVE AS
AVERAGE.

   Remember, ATTRACTION doesn't make logical
sense... Women don't say, "Oh, he's a kind,
honest, loyal type of guy from a good family...
AND THAT REALLY TURNS ME ON."

   Nope.

   Women say things like:

   "He's sexy"... "There's chemistry between
us"... "I really feel something for him"... etc.

   And also remember: If a woman feels a strong
ATTRACTION for you, then the rest of the equation
isn't as important. If she feels it, she'll go out
of her way to find good reasons to be with you...
even if you're not her "physical type".

   On the other hand, no amount of gifts, favors,
dinners, kindness, or a good family will make her
feel ATTRACTION... at best these things can only
make her feel a more "loyal" kind of love.

   So, if women don't like "average" guys and the
most important thing is to make her feel
ATTRACTION towards you, then how do you do it?

   I thought you'd never ask...

   Let's talk about the word "average" and what it
REALLY means.

   As far as women are concerned, and especially
the ATTRACTIVE ones, men are EVERYWHERE. They're
like cars. Every once in awhile one stands out and
makes you say, "Oh, that one is nice."

   A lot of guys take this concept too far and say
"Well, I'm not rich, and I'm not famous... so, no
really hot woman is going to find me attractive."

   My experience and research has shown me that
women are far more ATTRACTED to things like
attitude, confidence, body language, humor, etc.
than looks or money. Sure, those things might
INITIALLY get a woman's attention, and there are
those women that will only settle for a rich or
unusually handsome guy... but, this is the extreme
minority.

   In fact, it's very easy to be seen as "above
average" if you know what women are looking for,
and you know how to deliver.

   Remember the danger: If you are perceived as
"average" early on, then a switch goes off in her
mind, and the game will be over before it's even
begun.

   So, let's do a little exercise...

   Let's figure out two things:

1) What most guys do that women see as "average",
and...

2) What you can do to instantly be seen as "ABOVE
average" and, most importantly, ATTRACTIVE.

   First, let's talk about what most guys do in
most situations (more specifically, what most guys
do WRONG). Here are some of the things that I've
seen...

   If the setting is a bar or a club, most guys
will either say, "Can I buy you a drink?", "Wanna
dance?", or "Hey baby, how YOU doin'?"... or they
do crass things like stare at women with wanting
eyes or grab them as they walk by.

   If the setting is a public place, like maybe a
woman working at a clothing store, a waitress, or
some other similar high-traffic situation, most
guys will ask a lame question like "Do you have a
boyfriend?" or "Can I take you out sometime?"

   Ugh.

   These kinds of approaches can only result in
you being seen as another lame, average guy.

   Here are a few ideas to try instead...

   If you're in a bar or club setting, try asking
a woman or a group of women THEIR OPINION on
something. I personally like this one:

   "Hey, my friends and I were talking and we need
a female perspective... What do you ladies think
about this new trend of women being proud of
paying their own way and buying their own things?
Like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Woman?"

   Women will usually ENTHUSIASTICALLY join into a
conversation like this one. (I personally like
this topic because it starts off by talking about
women taking care of themselves in a positive
light, which sets the stage for not having to pay
for a lot of things right up front!)

   A quick note: Any conversation topic can be
turned into flirting and there is a very special
ART to this. 

   If you're out in a public place, at a store
where a woman is working or some other high-
traffic place, you might try something like this:

   After chatting about whatever business you're
doing there say, "Hey, are you single?"

   I love this question! It's such a shocker, and
it says all the right things. Most guys say, "Do
you have a boyfriend?" which is the usual
question. "Are you single?" is much more forward,
and most women have to do a double take to think
for a moment.

   If she pauses, I say, "I'll take that as a
YES...", which is pretty funny and usually gets a
laugh.

   In either of these cases, it's now time to get
the digits and get out. You already know that I'm
not a fan of standing around and trying to keep a
conversation going for any longer than you have
to.

   So, after two or three minutes of small talk
and general conversation, just go into the "3
Minute Phone Number" close that you've learned in
an earlier newsletter or in my book...

   Say, "It was nice talking to you, I'm going to
get back to my friends... (or shopping, or
whatever)" and as you turn away, turn back and say
"Do you have email...?" etc.

   These two scenarios are obviously very simple,
and also very easy. I've had guys say to me,
"Well, there's nothing really that different about
those approaches."

   Ah, but there is.

   The most important difference is that you're
doing something COMPLETELY different than the
other 47 guys who have approached her that day...
and you also know EXACTLY what you're going to do
and say and the conversation progresses.

   Of course, another thing you can do that will
INSTANTLY separate you from the rest of the crowd
is to use the idea of being "Cocky & Funny", which
I teach in my eBook "Double Your Dating" and in my
Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD program.

   This very unique approach has helped many of my
thousands of readers to dramatically increase
their success with women... and to no longer be
seen as AVERAGE by women.

Much Better Than "Taking Her To Dinner"

2008-01-24T10:41:00.000-08:00

I want to share an interesting story about a
conversation I had this evening.

 I was talking with, of all people, my MOM about
the topic of "men paying for things for women" and
it was fascinating to me to hear her perspective.

 Without hesitation, she said that she believes
that men should pay for everything, and if they
really like a woman that they should SUPPORT her
as well.

 Of course, I burst out with, "YOU HAVE TO BE
KIDDING!"

 After we shared a laugh, she said, "No, I'm not
kidding."

 And she wasn't kidding, either.

 My own mother believes that it's just part of
being a "gentleman and good suitor" to pay for
dinners, gifts, and even shelter for the woman he
desires.

 I immediately replied with [paraphrased]:

 "This kind of sounds to me like you believe
that men should pay women to give them attention,
affection and sex."

 At this point I think she remembered that I
write books about this kind of thing and she gave
up. But the thing that really got my attention was
that she REALLY BELIEVES THAT MEN SHOULD PAY FOR
EVERYTHING. IN FACT, SHE BELIEVES IT AT THE "WELL,
OF COURSE! THAT'S JUST THE RIGHT THING TO DO"
LEVEL!

 Heavy man, heavy.

 No wonder I was such a loser before with women.

 OK, I love my mom and mean no disrespect
towards her...

 But let's talk about the real world for a
second.

 Here are a few things that I believe about how
things work in general when it comes to women and
dating:

1) People in general, MALE OR FEMALE intuitively
know when they are being "pursued". As soon as we
know that we have something that someone else
wants, the price starts to go up. Economics 101.

2) When the price starts going up (translation:
she realizes that you really like her and she
starts playing hard to get, making you "prove"
yourself, etc.) you start to LOSE CONTROL RAPIDLY.

3) When you lose control, you have a couple of
basic ways you can respond: A) Pursue her harder,
giving her even MORE control OR B) Giving up.
(Neither of these options sounds very good to me.)

4) An alternative is to NEVER START GIVING UP
CONTROL IN THE FIRST PLACE.

5) One way to do that is to stay away from things
that put a woman into the "courting" mode of
thinking and behavior.

6) Asking a woman to dinner and then buying is
probably the absolute most certain way to put a
woman in the state of mind that she is being
"pursued" (with the possible exception of stalking
her, which I strongly discourage).

 By the way, I'm not opposed to the idea of
buying dinner for a woman. I'm opposed to the
mindset that you put her into when you buy it.
Make sense?

Before I tell you what to do instead of buying
a woman dinner, let me share what I'm thinking
when I first meet an attractive woman (I like
unusually beautiful women personally, so this
might reflect a bit of a bias):

 "She seems nice, but in my experience you never
know what a person is like until you get to know
them better. I'm willing to take the time to have
a cup of tea with her to find out more."

 Get it?

 I'M GOING TO GIVE HER THE CHANCE TO PROVE TO ME
THAT SHE'S MORE THAN JUST A PRETTY FACE.

 I never think, EVEN FOR A SECOND, that I need
to buy her dinner so she'll sit and talk to me. No
way.

 Incidentally, or not so incidentally, having an
attitude that you need something other than
yourself in order for a woman to like you is
UNATTRACTIVE to women. They can smell this kind of
attitude and lack of self worth. Bad, bad, bad.

 OK, so you get that I'm not real big on the
idea of starting things off by paying for dinners
and gifts.

 "What should you do instead?"

 I thought you'd never ask...

 Well, first off, if you ABSOLUTELY CAN'T HELP
YOURSELF and you just HAVE to take a woman to
dinner, at least frame it as "I want to go out to
this favorite restaurant of mine, and if you'd
like to go you're welcome to join me." Then if you
decide to pay, it can be something you were doing
for yourself, and you were being POLITE by paying
for hers. If you do this, make it clear that
you're there because you want to go there, and
that it's not to court her!

 A much better idea is to be creative and avoid
all of the things that scream "I'm willing to
spend money to have your attention" (and therefore
driving the price of that attention up).

 Why not a walk in the park? Going to an art
show? Going window shopping in an interesting part
of town? Taking her with you to run errands?
Taking her to a party that friends are throwing?

 Here's a hint: DO SOMETHING THAT HAS
INTERESTING CONVERSATION AND EXCITEMENT BUILT IN.

 Sitting at a dinner table ALONE with someone
that YOU DON'T KNOW is hardly "interesting
conversation built in". Think about it.

 Take a moment right now and think of 10 things
you could do with a woman that cost little or no
money, but have all kinds of interesting
conversation, adventure, and excitement BUILT
RIGHT IN.

 Then, just do some of those things! Don't
advertise the fact that you're not "taking her out
to dinner", just DON'T DO IT.

 Hey, this is great... you get to have fun, not
look like a wuss, not put her in "courting" mode,
and have interesting conversation built right in.

 Added bonus: You save $$$. Nice.

 What I'm really trying to say here is don't set
up the idea that you're paying for her attention.
Just don't do it.

 And as for the gal who you met in the market...

 I love the fact that you suggested she should
come over and cook for you. Cocky and funny, very
nice.

 When she got that shocked look and couldn't
respond you might have said, "Oh, I didn't mean to
embarrass you... you can't cook, huh? Well, that's
OK. It's nothing to be ashamed of..."

 These are the best moments to turn up the heat!

 After that, just simply move to the "It was
nice talking to you but I have to get back to my
shopping..." Then, just after turning away, say,
"Hey!... Do you have email?"

 "Yes."

 "Great [pull out pen]. Give it to me."

 Then follow up with this email:

"Hey, nice bumping into you at the market today.
After carefully considering it, I've decided that
I can live with the fact that you can't cook. I'll
just have to adjust. I'm busy tomorrow, but maybe
the next day we can get together for a cup of tea
and I can teach you a thing or two about this
cooking thing. It's really not that hard, and I'm
sure you'll get the hang of it in no time..."

 By the way, I have no problem with the idea of
having a woman cook for you. Just remember that if
she does YOU NEED TO PLAY HARD TO GET!